Beginning College with Confidence: Strategies for Survival and Success in Higher Education for BIPOC Students

by Shirley Strong, M.Ed., M.A.

Don’t let Up
Communicate Frequently with Faculty and Staff
Read Your Student Handbook
Set Boundaries
Make Lifestyle Changes
Find Group Support
Be Persistent
Do Your Research
Treat People Well
Remember Community Matters
Don’t Take it Personally
Networks are Important
Learn to Promote Yourself Appropriately
Put a Handle On It
Take Advantage of the Free Stuff
Work with Others to Address Shared Concerns
Stay Connected to Your Source
Find a Mentor or Advisor in Your Field
Make Use of Available Resources
Take Yourself Seriously as a Scholar
Be Proactive!
Request Clarity
Keep Up With Your Life
Take Care of your Body and your Health
Maintain a Good Credit Score

INTRODUCTION

What We Internalize

Recognizing the racist messages we’ve internalized

In this workbook we’re going to look at some of the specific ways in which many of us have been harmed by educators and an educational system that is riddled with unexamined or unacknowledged racism. Our hope is to prepare you for success in this system as it is now. While efforts to change it are ongoing, the only thing we can control is how we respond in moments of stress.

There has been an ongoing argument for the last six or seven decades about the role and value of school integration. The NAACP decision to pursue school desegregation as a civil rights strategy in the 1954 Brown v Board of Education case was a turning point in the struggle for educational equality. Unfortunately, hard-won desegregation brought its own difficulties. Kenneth Clark’s 1940s “doll study” had shown that Black children were being conditioned from young childhood to accept and internalize a sense of inferiority. The implementation of the Supreme Court decision led to unintended and tragic consequences: private academies in the South, closing Black neighborhood schools, firing Black teachers and principals with years of experience, busing Black students away from community support to schools in white neighborhoods without reciprocal redistribution of white students. Some students benefited from this change, but many fell behind and were wounded by a climate of hostility, low expectations, neglect and a deep sense of inferiority.

In my case, I attended a small, predominantly Black religious school in my community because the public schools were not offering a full day schedule due to overcrowding. The principal and most of the teachers were black. They never made me feel inferior; they were equally demanding of all students regardless of race. Although my school lacked modern facilities like a cafeteria and four or five grades shared one classroom, I received positive messages about who I was and what I could achieve. These messages served as a coat of armor protecting me for the rest of my educational life and withstood an onslaught of negative messages in high school and college.

My own lack of educational support led me to a career as an academic advisor. I felt an important part of my calling was to work with students of color and students who had been neglected and underserved by the educational system. Many of them came to college wounded and believing they were incapable of succeeding. I took great pride in helping them gain confidence in themselves, define their educational goals and successfully obtain their college degrees. Over the years I have run into them in grocery stores, on the streets, and in shopping centers. All of them have stopped me and thanked me for helping them change their lives for the better and equipping them to serve their communities. I consider helping them to succeed one of my most important accomplishments. In this workbook I share some of the strategies I have offered over the years to help students accomplish their educational goals.zMy own lack of educational support led me to a career as an academic advisor. I felt an important part of my calling was to work with students of color and students who had been neglected and underserved by the educational system. Many of them came to college wounded and believing they were incapable of succeeding. I took great pride in helping them gain confidence in themselves, define their educational goals and successfully obtain their college degrees. Over the years I have run into them in grocery stores, on the streets, and in shopping centers. All of them have stopped me and thanked me for helping them change their lives for the better and equipping them to serve their communities. I consider helping them to succeed one of my most important accomplishments. In this workbook I share some of the strategies I have offered over the years to help students accomplish their educational goals.

1

Don’t Let Up

Students often think getting into school is the hardest thing you have to do, but you have to do the work once you get in.

For many students getting into college is a dream come true—something they never thought they would be able to do. For others it is an expectation held for them by their parents and family members, and whether they feel ready to deal with the pressure or not, they’re expected to go.

Regardless of what brought you to college, it can be overwhelming to realize what’s at stake. It can feel as though your whole world—your family, neighbors, friends—are depending on you to succeed, to make them proud, to live up to other people’s dreams and hopes and to contribute to the family, the community, and the world. On my way to college as a seventeen-year-old freshman in the Midwest my parents were driving down the street to the residence hall I was moving into, and I started to cry. I was in the back seat of the station wagon with my luggage and boxes and my mother looked around and saw my tears. She immediately decided those tears meant I didn’t want to go. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” she said. My father glanced in the rearview mirror at me without saying a word. I summoned all the will power I could find and through my tears replied in a tiny, quiet voice, “I want to go.” I was scared to death. I didn’t know what to expect. I was seventeen and naïve, but I wanted to go. Like so many young Black women of my generation, I was the first in my immediate family and one of the first in my community to go away to college. I didn’t get a job right after high school; I didn’t get married or have children right away, which was the route many of my peers took. I was in that small group of young Black women venturing off into a new world unfamiliar to most of the people I grew up around. I needed tools. I needed support. It wasn’t enough to send me off with encouraging words and the few dollars community members pressed into my hand. I needed something more, but at the time, I didn’t know what. Now, after having worked in higher education for many years, I understand what was missing. One of the first things I needed that I didn’t receive was people working in the university (other than the caring cafeteria and janitorial staff) who I could go to for advice and support—people in the admissions office, financial aid, residence hall staff, the dean of students’ office, and faculty—who could help guide and direct me. I’ve learned that it’s important to do what Wayne Dyer advises: “Think from the end,” which in this case means figure out where you want to end up at the end of your undergraduate experience and work back from there. For example: Do you want to complete your degree within four years? What do you want to major in? Does it require prerequisites? Where do general education requirements fit in? Once you’ve answered these questions, create an academic plan and schedules for the next four or five years.

Question: What’s the driving force behind your desire and decision to get a college degree? Who besides you is invested in your success?

Action: Write down your goals, as you understand them now, for your years in college.

2

Communicate Frequently with Faculty and Staff

Don’t assume faculty know what’s going on with you if you’re having a hard time.

During my sophomore year in college I went home for the holidays and became seriously ill. Eventually I had my gallbladder removed and missed the first month of the spring semester. I never told anyone at school what had happened. Later, when I was in trouble for missing classes and I told them I had been ill, but I didn’t provide the necessary documentation to excuse my absence. I was afraid to ask for help. Up until that time I had a B average; after that, because of my illness, I ended up with a C average. I was heartbroken and discouraged, and I didn’t know where to turn.

Much later, as a dean of students, I observed many students come in with a stack of documentation that explained a disability or an absence or a need that they wanted the college to address. Some students even sought clarity about what services are offered before they enrolled, with the understanding that their needs were important and needed to be addressed within the context of services the school provided. I always marveled at their confidence in knowing what they were entitled to receive. Some accommodations are required by law, but either way you have to work with faculty and advisors to get the best results. As soon as a problem arises make an appointment with your professor or advisor to let them know what’s going on and try to come up with a solution. Don’t wait for it to become a crisis. Always assume good will on the part of the faculty member or the college; it’s helpful to come in with a positive attitude even though you may have to advocate, and in some cases fight, for yourself.

I recall an African American male student in a health professions program who couldn’t afford to purchase a textbook. He went through the entire semester without letting anyone know his predicament. He failed the class, which led to his dismissal from the program. A few years later he approached the department chair and asked for a letter of recommendation to another program so he could complete his degree. He was invited back into the same program with the understanding that this time he would ask for help when he needed it. He eventually graduated with a doctoral degree and is a practicing health professional. This story is especially poignant because he is one of a very small percentage of African American professionals in his field, and now he can serve as a role model for other young men and women of color.

Question: What are the key things you need to understand regarding your financial aid award letter?

Action: Write down a couple of questions you’d like to ask your financial aid officer.

3

Read your student handbook.

Especially the academic policies sections on grievance, withdrawal, leave of absence, class attendance.

Most students don’t realize that the student handbook for the year they enter the institution is a legal contract. You are held to the policies and requirements listed there, and so is the institution. You need to get a copy of the handbook when you enter and hold onto it for your entire educational career there. These days they are no longer printed; they are online. However, whatever format it is, make a copy and keep it. Don’t count on the institution to provide you with a copy when you have to check on a procedure or requirement. They have a copy, but you should have your own so you can cite it if any dispute arises.

Read the handbook just as you would read a textbook so you have a sense of what is there and how to find what you need to know as questions arise. It was my experience as an administrator that when a student walked into my office and could cite a handbook policy or requirement, I immediately knew I had to take them seriously. My intention was to take everybody seriously, but they rose to the top of the list because I knew they had done their research.

Regulations and policies change somewhat from year to year. Requirements for graduation usually increase rather than decrease, and each student is held to the requirements that existed in the handbook that was in effect when they entered as long as they maintain continuous enrollment. Continuous enrollment is defined differently by different institutions, so you need to find out how it’s defined at your school. It usually means you can miss one semester, but if you are going to be gone more than one consecutive semester you must request a formal leave of absence.

Students would sometimes come to my office and express frustration and anger because the policies for graduation had been increased (more credits or different courses were required, which added time and money to completion of the degree.) My first step was to say, “Let’s look at the handbook that was in effect when you entered and see what it says.” Their response would be to wonder, “What difference does that make?” not realizing the handbook was a contract. Often, I would be able to tell them they weren’t held to the new requirements because as long as they maintained their enrollment, they were bound only by the handbook in effect when they entered.

Sometimes the faculty or department chair would be angry about my advice or information because they wanted to hold students to the new requirements. They felt these requirements would make the students stronger and better prepared for the workplace. However, in fact, the student had the right to determine whether to be bound by the new requirements or follow the old ones. Because of cost in both money and time they would often choose to go by the old handbook.

I would often tell students that the handbook was like their “bible” and, as with any sacred text, if they used it well, they could be successful in life. Information is power!

Question: : What are three things you learned when you read your student handbook that you hadn’t been aware of?

Action: Keep a copy or PDF of the handbook in effect when you entered college and mark the pages or sections you’ll need to refer to most often.

4

Set Boundaries

… for family, friends and work. Prioritize your studies. Your family will follow your example.

College is a long-held dream for many of you. You have been working toward this day for a long time and your family and friends are probably aware of your educational goals. They may or may not support you in this endeavor. Regardless of how they feel about it, this is your dream, and you have to take charge of your priorities as you embark on this journey. These decisions will serve you well for the rest of your life. What you’re doing here deserves your undivided attention. Once your family and friends know of your plans, ask for their support, and be specific about how they can support you. You might need them to watch children for a couple of evenings a week so you can have a quiet place to study or to pick them up after school. It might make you feel vulnerable to ask for help, but now is the time to let your family and friends know what you need. It’s okay for them to know you’re not superhuman.

You have to realize that for the next several years you can’t be all things to all people. You can’t be the banker for your family, the peacemaker, the person everyone brings their problems to. For a period of time you must put your education first. It’s often especially hard for women and women of color to see themselves as a priority. What you’re asking of them doesn’t have to be a permanent fact of life; it’s just until you get your degree. Then you can be even more available and supportive of your family with a good job, and maybe even more time with the flexibility the job affords you.

Often students in nursing school and STEM programs, for example, make a major sacrifice for a period of time to complete a B.S. degree. It can be expensive and time-consuming: you have classes, in some cases clinical rotations, and a great deal of study, so you are almost totally unavailable for anything but school.

At the end of that period, after passing a state licensing exam required for some programs, you are highly employable. As a nurse you can work anywhere in the world that nurses are needed. Your pay scale is in six figures. You can find a schedule that works for you and set aside time for family friends. And you have a high-status position: nursing is one of the most admired jobs. It’s worth the sacrifice to be set up well for the rest of your life. Often students choose their careers because they want to serve others, so the intrinsic reward is great. This said, many students start school without having put their financial and personal affairs in order. That, more than anything else—their preparation, commitment, perseverance—keeps them from fulfilling their goal and obtaining their dream job.

To the extent possible, you need to pay off or pay down your credit card bills, have money in the bank for emergencies, and have a decent credit rating in order to avoid predatory loans. Most of all, don’t plan to work more than fifteen to twenty hours per week, and if possible, not at all in the first semester of your program. Have some savings in addition to your financial aid to tide you over for a semester.

For some people, this seems like an impossibility—a non-starter. All the above are not equally necessary, but some of it is critical.

Sometimes it feels that when you make a decision to improve your life circumstances the universe, in the form of your family or partner, parents, children, siblings, conspire against you to keep you from succeeding. Everybody becomes twice as needy, your partner wants your time and is resentful of the time you’re taking for study, your children become more demanding of your attention, your parents may get ill and need your support—whatever it is, do not let it disrupt or interfere with your goal. Keep telling yourself, “It’s only for a time.” This degree is for them as well as for you. Their lives will be significantly improved because of it.

Question: Who are the people you need to talk with about your educational goals? What might you ask them to help you with?

Action: Write down what you want to say to them and share it in person as well as in writing.

5

Make Lifestyle Changes

While in school you can’t do the things you used to do, you can’t go the places you used to go, and you can’t buy the things you used to buy. The sacrifice is worth it.

There’s an old song that says, “I don’t do the things I used to do. I don’t go places I used to go.”New endeavors require new habits. Once you’re in school you can’t hang out with friends as much as you used to, especially if they don’t understand or support your need to study. You can’t spend hours on social media or fill up the weekend with events that keep you from doing your assignments. Once you’ve made the decision to be in school, you have to be really clear with yourself and others about what it will take.

For example, I decided to have a healthy lifestyle in order to avoid some of the pitfalls that can lead to poor health outcomes. It was a major undertaking. I gave up red meat and chicken. I reduced dairy products, sugar and gluten as much as possible. I also engaged a trainer and have worked out with him three times a week for approximately eight years. This has kept me from moving from “prediabetic” to Type 2 diabetes and kept my blood pressure under control with the help of medication. It’s allowed me to lose 10% of my body weight and has reduced pain in my joints. So, I have been successful in making healthy lifestyle changes at an age when it can make a huge difference not only in the length, but in the quality of my life. I believe the same determination and focus is necessary as you undertake a college education.

Many people come into higher education with a certain number of challenges and deficiencies—a weakness in math or science or in writing, a fear of test-taking, or difficulty concentrating for long periods of time—whatever it is will not magically go away. It will probably become more of a challenge. Therefore, it’s important to find a way to deal with it in order for it not to overwhelm you or cause you to fail.

If you are disorganized and can’t keep track of your assignments and due dates, you need a plan and a focus that will help keep you stay on track. You have to compensate for your weaknesses by creating structures and habits that will allow you to succeed in spite of deficiencies.

For example, when I was in college, I really enjoyed playing cards in the student union with my peers instead of going to class. Over the years I’ve often felt, if I had gone to class regularly instead of playing cards, I would have had a much higher GPA, it would have been easier to get into grad school and I would have completed my degree within four years.

It’s important to start early by seeing yourself in college and taking steps to organize your life in a way that will support you once you get there. It can be small steps to begin with, like using a planner and keeping a schedule of your activities and deadlines. Get in the habit of writing assignments and due dates down so you don’t forget them and start working on them early rather than waiting till the last minute. And let your close friends and family know about your plans to go to college and the career you’d like to pursue, if you know what it is. That way you can help them figure out how to support you in achieving your goal. Maybe that means a new computer for Christmas or your birthday, maybe a little tutoring to get you up to speed in math or science, which are essential if you want to into science, technology, engineering, or math (STEM). STEM disciplines are in particular demand now, as we transition to new technologies.

Question: What are some lifestyle changes you think you could make in order to make you more successful in college or grad school? List three to five.

Action: Get started now. For instance, if you need to pay off credit card debt, pick one card, stop using it, and begin to pay it down right away.

6

Find Group Support

Don’t go through school alone. Have a study buddy and find a small group of like-minded students and make a commitment to see each other through to graduation.

When I was in graduate school, I felt all alone and unsupported. I longed to have one or two fellow students I could count on, who would go through the program with me. I think if I had had one or two other like-minded classmates, I would have been successful in completing my doctoral degree in counseling psychology. Later I became good friends with a person who got a PhD at the school I worked at. She told me the story of herself and two other women who made a pact that either they all graduated, or no one graduated. They stuck to their pact through thick and thin and they all ended up graduating with PhDs. They attribute their completion to their unwillingness to give up because they knew the others were counting on them. As a matter of interest, they happened to be a very diverse group: one was Black, one Latina, one White. They made the decision to have each other’s back.

Research has shown that study groups are very important for math and science courses, in particular. For example, a study at UC Berkeley showed that one reason Asian students tended to be so successful was that they studied in groups and they were able to talk through the problems with one another. Sometimes one person understood a problem when the others didn’t. Their collective knowledge improved everyone’s understanding. This is also true of nursing students: those who study together end up scoring higher on tests than those who study alone. There’s an art to finding appropriate study partners who can support each other through a program. It might surprise you that your best study partners might turn out to be the people you’d least expect. Therefore, it’s important to be open-minded and in many instances look for people who are different from yourself in terms of background, experience, interests and learning style.

Just as working out with others keeps you accountable and helps you show up on time and following through on commitments, so does being part of a study group. It can also help you learn a lot about yourself––your own learning style—and show you how others approach reading a chapter, studying for a test, memorizing a set of facts or figuring out the best of several possible answers to a problem.

In the U.S. educational system, we are taught to focus on our own individual learning. We are not conditioned to work in groups and solve problems as a member of a team. Today’s workplace, however, requires teamwork more than in the past. Collaboration is an overlooked and undervalued skill that we all need to learn in order to be successful. Why not start early?

Question: Who, among the people you know now, might make good study partners? Why?

Action: Start by deciding to read a book and discuss it or do a shared project and see how well you work together.

7

Be Persistent

Don’t take “no” for an answer the first time. Learn to frame your request differently.

Sometimes the determination not to take no for an answer can mean the difference between life and death. I recently heard a story about a young woman in her thirties who went to see her gynecologist who, after examination, discovered a cyst on her uterus. The doctor was going on vacation and told her not to worry, it very likely wasn’t serious, and she would call her when she got back in a month and do a biopsy. The woman felt uncomfortable with the doctor’s apparent lack of concern and decided to seek a second opinion. She got in to see another gynecologist right away and that gynecologist thought it was serious and took a biopsy and discovered a fast-growing form of cancer. They started treatment immediately. The doctor later told her it was a good thing she didn’t take no for an answer because it might have been too late if she had. Sometimes not taking no for an answer may not be a matter of life or death, but it might be one of the most significant decisions of your life.

Often when dealing with bureaucracies in education or healthcare or the IRS it seems as though the first answer a routine no and only after some persistence can we get to the heart of the matter—the help we need to resolve our problem. As academic advisor and dean of students I always told students not to accept no for an answer the first time if it seemed to be a routine response. I encouraged them to reframe the question, to engage in further conversation about what they needed, to go to the staff member’s supervisor, to go up the chain of command until they got someone who might not say yes, but who would listen and try to help clarify their options.

It’s been my experience over the years that most of the people who don’t take no for an answer the first time are not used to being told no. This attitude comes with some degree of privilege and a certainty that they belong, and that people in authority are there to assist them. Some students often came to my office with the expectation that their problem will be resolved to their satisfaction. As a woman of color, I have always been amazed at their confidence, and have wished that students less familiar with the system had that same confidence when it came to getting their needs met. A sense of confidence makes people comfortable and reduces defensiveness. Therefore, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you approach it in the right way, you can get the help you need even if it’s not the answer you want; you can get an answer that gets you closer to your goal. Often, for example, students need their transcript for a job application or an application for a license or to apply to another academic program, but unless they have cleared their balance, they cannot receive a transcript. This can be a roadblock for students who need the job or the license in order to pay their debt. I have come to find out there’s usually a way around the situation. Sometimes the people who know the rules of the game will share it with you; others will not. So you need to find someone who will listen to your problem, take it seriously, and help you understand all your options. You may not enter college with a sense of belonging that comes with privilege, but you can develop an understanding of how the system works and learn to make it work for you. You may not have the financial wherewithal; you may not know the faculty as friends of the family; but you have to believe you belong as much as anyone else and show it by your actions. Like not taking no for an answer the first time.Sometimes the determination not to take no for an answer can mean the difference between life and death. I recently heard a story about a young woman in her thirties who went to see her gynecologist who, after examination, discovered a cyst on her uterus. The doctor was going on vacation and told her not to worry, it very likely wasn’t serious, and she would call her when she got back in a month and do a biopsy. The woman felt uncomfortable with the doctor’s apparent lack of concern and decided to seek a second opinion. She got in to see another gynecologist right away and that gynecologist thought it was serious and took a biopsy and discovered a fast-growing form of cancer. They started treatment immediately. The doctor later told her it was a good thing she didn’t take no for an answer because it might have been too late if she had. Sometimes not taking no for an answer may not be a matter of life or death, but it might be one of the most significant decisions of your life.

Question: When have you not taken no for an answer the first time and eventually resolved the problem to your satisfaction?

Action: Consider a problem you may have now and write down two or three options you might have or steps you might take to resolve it.

8

Do Your Research

Find the school that fits your needs (in terms of cost, location, size, and focus).

Often first-generation college students go to the first school that accepts them, or the only school they apply to, which may or may not be the best fit for them. Personally, I always thought I would do well at a small liberal arts college, and I had one in mind that was a few hours from where I lived. But my parents had saved for me to go to the state university approximately fifty miles away. It had 25,000 students at the time, and I was a young, naïve seventeen-year-old who had never been away from family, even to go to camp. I’m not sure a small liberal arts college would have been the best choice for me; I didn’t go, so I can’t know. I do know that I struggled to get through a large state school. It was by the grace of God and the determination of my mother that I made it.

In my role as an academic advisor, I looked at many student transcripts. They were all over the map: students had gone to three or four schools, accumulated numerous hours—in some cases enough to graduate from a school if they’d met the requirements—but no degree. Not even close. Also, I looked at many student financial aid records and was shocked at the amount of debt they accrued at various colleges and universities, some private, some public, some for-profit, some large, some small. I shook my head in frustration, thinking what a waste in money and time! If only they had had appropriate advising at the outset.

I’ve often said to students, “Do your due diligence. Do your research. Do your homework. Figure out what your particular goals are and how they can best be met by the institution you decide to attend. Sometimes students select an institution because they believe it’s easier for them to get in because it doesn’t require an entrance exam–SAT, ACT, GRE, GMAT, LSAT, MCAT. (If you don’t know what these initials stand for, a good exercise would be to look them up.) However, if you can’t afford the school, or if it doesn’t offer the programs you’re interested in, or if it doesn’t reflect adequate diversity among faculty, staff, and students, then even if they accept you, it’s not the right school for you.

Often students waste time and money attending schools that don’t have the support systems they need. For example, a student with a learning disability, diagnosed or undiagnosed, needs access to a learning support center that offers a wide range of services. They may need help with test-taking skills, for instance, or tutoring, or help with communicating their needs to faculty for more time on tests, quiet space free of distraction, oral rather than written exams. Sometimes students arrive at college aware they have learning difficulties, but not having been tested. Often students may not know exactly what to ask for, so they need counseling and testing just to determine what their needs are. If the school doesn’t have those services available the student often has to pay for them privately, and many students can’t afford that, so they go undiagnosed and are often less successful. College becomes a painful, shame-filled, unfulfilling experience. They blame themselves for being inadequate, “stupid,” incapable of learning when really, all that could be prevented by having the right support systems in place.

The best way to avoid these negative experiences is to interview the school, similarly to the way they are interviewing you. It’s important to know the right questions to ask. How much of the cost will I be paying from loans rather than grants or scholarships? What proportion of students actually graduate in four years? Will I end up paying for a fifth year? What support services, are available to meet my particular needs? What is the diversity of the faculty, staff, and student body? One important consideration to keep in mind is to be cautious about the high cost and high-pressure sales tactics of for-profit colleges.

These days, because of rising college costs and an uncertain job market, you need to inform yourself about ways to avoid becoming saddled with long-term student loan debt. That debt can prevent you from choosing the career you want, buying a home, traveling, or doing other things a college education could make possible.

Question: What college or university have you always dreamed of attending and why? Find out what student services they offer and the total cost of a four-to-five-year degree.

Action: Find out how to distinguish between a for-profit and a non-profit college.

9

Treat People Well

Relationships are everything. Keep your word, follow through on your commitments and show people they can count on you.

My mother always told me, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” I didn’t really understand what that meant until I was an adult and working with people who were sometimes angry and frustrated, and wanted to take their frustrations out on me. No matter what’s going on with you, learn to not take it out on others. There’s no doubt that the frustrations are real; many students have limited financial resources or families who aren’t in a position to contribute. So, they feel stressed: I can’t pay my rent. I can’t register for classes because I owe the school money. My car broke down and I don’t have money to repair it. I don’t have money for my textbooks, so I’m behind in my reading and there’s a test coming up. Some of the problems are urgent: I can’t afford groceries. I don’t have money for public transportation to get to school and/or work. Money is one of the two or three main stressors for students in college. The other two are academic preparedness and cultural fit. So how do you show up in spite of those challenges, remain open to other people’s point of view, and explain your situation, even if it’s embarrassing, in a way that enables you to get the help you need? The answer is be honest, be respectful, be open to difficult conversations, be courageous.

It’s difficult to treat people well when you’re struggling yourself. It helps if you can take a deep breath and own your own part in the situation without being defensive. If you missed classes because your car wasn’t running or if you failed to pass a test because you didn’t have a textbook or if you were sick, acknowledge what happened. And when necessary, apologize for not communicating about such things in a timely manner. A certain level of maturity is called for when you need to negotiate a solution to a problem.

Often, as a student, regardless of how old you are, you find yourself in a one-down situation. The power resides in the institution and its representatives. The sooner you recognize that, the easier it is to navigate new and unfamiliar situations. It’s important to know whom to ask for advice. Your friends don’t necessarily understand how the system works any better than you do, so find someone who does: a peer advisor, a teaching assistant, a counselor, a mentor, or a faculty member you feel you can talk to. The goal is to succeed in getting your degree in order to return to your community and help others succeed as well. As flight attendants say, “Put on your own mask first.” Beyond that, it’s important to keep your eye on the prize. It’s easy to get distracted. In fact, distractions are built into the system. Staying focused on your purpose in spite of challenges others may sometimes put in your path requires a long-haul strategy. Most of all remember that how you treat others along the way matters as much as achieving your goals.

Question: Can you think of a situation when you were able to set your own feelings aside and respond with kindness in spite of disrespectful or insulting treatment? Please describe.

Action: Remember a situation in which you didn’t respond appropriately and review in your mind how you could have done it differently. If possible, have a conversation with the person involved and see if you can achieve a different outcome.

10

Remember Community Matters

Give back, no matter how small. Stay connected to your purpose for being here. Don’t forget where you came from, who you are, or why you are here.

When I was a student many years ago I felt isolated and alone, away from home for the first time. At home I had strong ties to the community that surrounded me. At college I didn’t have a strong community to lean on or learn from. I was one of only twelve African American women at the university.

One support I found then was the African American community literally across the tracks from the school. Many of those individuals worked in food service and as maids. They found ways to encourage us as they went about their work. Just the fact that they smiled at us when we went through the cafeteria line and looked for the best choices of meat or dessert to put on our trays (even if we didn’t look as though we needed it) meant a lot. Remembering their kindness warms my heart to this day. Fortunately, at the institutional level things have improved significantly. Now there is support available both on and off campus. For example, recently I received a call from a student soliciting for a fundraising campaign. She asked for my support as an alum. When I told her I hadn’t had a positive experience when I was a student there and explained why, she said, “Things are different now. We have a brand new Black Student Center on campus.” I was so impressed I made a contribution to the Center as a first-time donor. This is one of my ways of remembering where I came from and giving back.

I’d like to think the sacrifices of the twelve Black women in my class have made a difference to those who have come after us. Whether they know us or not, we are part of the larger community supporting students who are there now. As alums we joined the long list of cafeteria workers, maids and janitors as we continued to offer our hopes and prayers for new generations of students of color.

Today’s students are much more diverse. They often come from communities that are very dissimilar to the one I grew up in. Regardless of where you came from and what your background is, it is important to stay true to your purpose for being there. It may be to get a STEM degree or to become a teacher or a health professional or to play a sport. You chose this institution that you’re attending because you felt it could meet your needs, both immediate and long-term, and it’s very important to be very clear about what those needs are and how you are using your time to fulfill them.

Question: Who is your community that you carry with you wherever you go?

Action: Take a moment to express gratitude to them.

11

Don’t Take it Personally

Even if it’s meant personally, let it go. Shake it off. The excess baggage will hold you back.

I accepted a job in a different state where I didn’t know anyone at all. I asked my Higher Power what I needed to know in order to be successful in this new situation. What came to me was this: “Don’t take it personally, even if it seems personal.” This advice has served me well. Later, when a hurtful situation arose, remembering it helped me to get out of my own way and let go of my ego. Not taking things personally has been one of the most important lessons of my life.

Often, I’ve observed students and others becoming stuck on who’s right and who’s wrong and what is and isn’t fair. Sometimes we lose sight of the problem rather than focusing on finding a solution. We focus on hurt feelings and disrespect. The disrespect certainly can be, and often is, real. Many of us have been wounded in early childhood by biased or insensitive teachers, parents, or other people in authority who made us feel inadequate and unworthy.

Nevertheless, the goal is a satisfactory resolution to the problem at hand, which in the long run will outweigh the hurt feelings of the moment. If someone undervalues your contribution and potential, for instance, and you feel they’re judging you unfairly and implying that you don’t belong, it’s easy to take it personally! I would, too. But the goal is not to let your hurt feelings get in the way of successful completion of the program. In fact, what is at stake is more than successful completion; it’s about how you let other people’s opinions of you affect your self-esteem: how you look, how you talk, how you dress, how you write, how you think, how you view the world. Often the hurt feelings are not based so much on what people say, but on how they say it. Sometimes we need to have our mistakes pointed out so we can learn; after all, that’s why you’re here. But if people in power and authority correct you in a way that makes you feel inadequate or incapable, it can get in the way of learning.

People in authority aren’t enemies. And even if they are, we have to deal with them. Sometimes those who have seemed so at the beginning turn out to be allies and supporters. Some of them I’ve learned the most from. You may be underprepared in some areas and need skills you don’t yet have. Many teachers want to help you make up for lost time, and it’s not an easy task for either of you. The help that’s offered in learning centers or tutorial programs often goes unused because students are embarrassed or ashamed. Getting past that is part of the challenge.

I always say, “Once you graduate, very few people look at your grades. The only thing on your resume that matters to employers is that you completed your degree.”

Question: Do you remember the moment when someone in authority insulted or disrespected you? Can you describe it?

Action: Have a conversation with yourself, and the person, if possible, and let them know how, regardless of their intention, their behavior made you feel.

12

Networks are Important

Become a selective joiner. Join professional organizations. Sign up for student membership rates. Attend conferences and ask for financial support from your school to attend.

Don’t wait until you graduate to begin doing things related to your career or to begin exploring options if you’re not sure about your career path. College is a great place to explore different careers and work environments. Sometimes you can do this exploring through internships or part-time jobs. Become familiar with your career placement center and take advantage of opportunities that arise even if you don’t think you’re interested, because the idea is to get exposed to different possibilities. Spend time reading online postings and professional websites and journals, learning more about work you might be interested in pursuing. Attend career fairs every chance you get because each of them is an opportunity to find out about careers you’ve never thought of before. These days people change jobs five or six times in their lifetime, in part because whole new areas of work arise. People are doing things now that their grandparents and great-grandparents never even heard of for instance in social media, coding, and new areas of healthcare.

When I was an undergraduate my parents saw only two professional options for me as a young Black woman. My mother said, “You can be either a teacher or a nurse.” In frustration I said, “I don’t want to be either one.” My mother looked at me in surprise because those were the only two professions she thought were available to me at the time. I chose a third path, which was working with students in college and university administration. I even got a graduate degree in that area. When I went home to visit my parents, they would say, “Now tell me again what it is that you do,” because they didn’t know how to describe my work to their friends, since it was not something they were familiar with. It was beyond the scope of their experience.

One way to learn more about a profession is to join the student network for that profession, for example, the Society of Black Engineers, National Association of Black Accountants, Black Nurses’ Association, Hispanic Nurses’ Association, pre-med and pre-law associations, associations of journalists, Hispanic, Asian and Black. These student networks often have chapters on local campuses that you can join either for free or at very low cost. They give special student rates for their conferences. They usually make awards to active members; you have to get involved first. Conference attendance provides a wonderful opportunity for students to meet people, many of them from similar backgrounds, and also to make contacts that can lead to future job opportunities, internships (paid and unpaid) and professional employment, after graduation. In some instances fraternities and sororities can serve a similar purpose, especially if they promote academic excellence.

Many students get their first job based on personal and family contacts. Joining professional organizations and attending conferences can give first- and second-generation college students a leg up in their job searches. The important thing is not to wait till you graduate, but begin when you first arrive to scout out ways to make deeper connections to the field, majors, and programs you’re interested in. Being proactive in this way also helps in applying for graduate and professional school. These networks can serve as a source of advice and mentoring and can help you throughout your education and career. They can become lifelong connections and can offer not just professional information but lead to lasting friendships, as well. One thing can lead to another and can continue to be beneficial in unexpected ways.

Hopefully one day you will be the professional offering support to a young person seeking guidance and mentoring.

Question: How have you gone about learning about a career you might be interested in?

Action: Make a list of your career interests and things you can do to get more information.

13

Learn to Promote Yourself Appropriately

Don’t brag or boast. Learn to tell your own story affirmatively in five minutes or less. Pick three to five identifiers that best describe you, e.g., Black, Woman, educator.

You are your own “brand,” whether you know it or not, and it’s up to you how you use it. Take for example athletes and entertainers: often when they first start they don’t realize how important their name and image is to their earning power. So, they often squander it or don’t protect their reputation adequately until after they’ve done something to damage it.

Your reputation is your brand. It’s never to early to start thinking about how you come across to others and whether they believe they can count on you. I used to hear people say, “Your word is your bond.” In other words, you should always do what you say you’re going to do and not make promises you don’t intend to keep. Think of your verbal commitments the same way you would a contract.

The first step in promoting yourself appropriately is to determine what you think is important for others to know about you. See this information as your story and condense it so you can tell it in three to five minutes or less. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that you don’t have a lot of time to make a point when you’re making a first impression. You have to do it quickly or you will lose people’s attention if you ramble and don’t stick to the point. Notice how quickly people tune out. They pick up their phones and look at their messages, they no longer make eye contact, they start to fidget, and that’s a clear sign that they have lost interest. They’ve moved on. So, I’ve learned it’s important to make your point quickly and clearly. Start with the most important things first; don’t start in the middle and lead up to something; get their attention quickly and try to hold it for the duration of your comments.

The second thing to focus on is what you want to share about yourself. Have three to five identifiers. Some of them might be obvious, but if they are critical or essential to your identity, it is important to acknowledge them. For me, I would say, I’m Black; I’m a woman; I’m an educator. I could replace “educator” with something else, but I can never replace “Black” and “woman.” Those are essential parts of who I am, not just because they’re visible to others but also because they are part of my story. Staying honest about ourselves is harder than we think. Sometimes we’re not ready to reveal the essence of who we are to others, and that’s okay. Self-disclosure makes us vulnerable and can affect how others see us. Wait until you’re ready. Even if you don’t share it immediately, it’s still important to do it for yourself—to know those three to five identifiers that make you who you are. These identifiers you share should be the things that drive you. Include those things you’re so passionate about that you would do them for free because you love them. In my case, I used to say if I won the lottery, I’d still keep my job advising and counseling students; I just wouldn’t work Mondays and Fridays. I would do it even if I didn’t need to work. An old career adage is, “Do what you love and you won’t work a day in your life.”

A famous teacher once said, “If you find someone you admire and want to model your life after, ask the question, ‘What is the working paper for their life?’” It’s important for each of us to have a “working paper” for our lives—a set of goals and objectives “on steroids.” It’s not necessarily that I want to make a lot of money or have a lot of things, but more importantly, what is the legacy I hope to leave? What do I want people to say about me when I’m gone? What in my life do I want my family to be most proud of?

Question: What are your identifiers? List them. Why did you choose those?

Action: Practice describing yourself and your goals in two to three minutes.

14

Put a Handle On It

“Please” and “Thank you” are invaluable tools for getting what you want. Learn to write an effective e-mail. Send a thank you card or email when someone does something nice for you.

This is one of the skills I’m not very good at. I always say please and thank you, but I find it difficult to send an e-mail or thank-you card when someone does something nice for me. I was taught to be polite and all the rules of etiquette as a child growing up, so I have no excuse for not doing it more often. It seems like a habit that people learn and do almost automatically. I know how important it is, because I like receiving thank-you cards and e-mails from other people acknowledging something I’ve done. Yet for some reason this is a roadblock for me. I share this to say none of us are perfect or does everything right; some things come easier than other things.

One of the ways I can tell how well people have been taught the rules of social behavior is how they address me as I’ve gotten older. Students who have had what used to be called “good home training” will ask how they should address me. I will always say, “You can call me Shirley.” Some students will accept this and move on. Others will decline the offer of familiarity and refer to me as “Miss Shirley,” especially as I’ve gotten older. I always smile when I hear this term and recognize it as a sign of respect.

I never judge a person if they are not aware of appropriate social behaviors because I realize in some homes this training has been emphasized and in other homes it has not. However, it’s important to be aware that people’s decisions even about things this small can make a difference in how people respond to you. It’s a way of establishing a rapport, creating a relationship, bringing someone into your corner. Even a simple smile can make a difference in how you are seen or received by a stranger or someone in a position of power. Politeness is not submissiveness; it’s just common courtesy. A smile, a thank you, a please can go a long way even with people who aren’t in positions of power. A person at the reception desk, who may not appear to have authority, can positively or negatively impact your situation. A thank you note doesn’t have to be long—just a few lines expressing appreciation for something specific someone has gone out of their way to do for you.

There are other gestures of courtesy which, even though they may seem old fashioned, still matter to people—especially older people. For example, holding the door open for someone, allowing them to enter or leave an elevator or building first; shaking hands; getting up to offer someone your seat if the room is crowded; where appropriate, removing your hat or sunglasses indoors in order to make eye contact: eye contact leads to better interactions.

Some of these behaviors seem out of date, but they still work. So choose to use them in ways that work for you. Courtesy isn’t manipulation; it’s a sign of respect. What you give out comes back to you. We all want to respect; therefore, it’s important to show respect to others. A little kindness goes a long way.

Question: Which of these courtesies has your family instilled in you? Which ones do you find especially easy or difficult?

Action: Pick one of the courtesies that you find difficult and practice engaging in it with the people around you. For example, if you find it difficult to do thank-you notes, pick three people who have done nice things for you and write to thank them.

15

Take Advantage of the Free Stuff

Especially since you are paying for it with your tuition, e.g., counseling, academic support, career services, library resources.

Student services on campuses are often thought of as “free” because the costs are included in your tuition and fees. Because you have already paid for them, this is the best time in your life to take advantage of personal counseling, health center services, career advising, disability support, learning support, writing assistance, or financial literacy workshops. They will never be more affordable or easier to access than they are when you’re in college. Moreover, the possible embarrassment of getting help is lessened because all students are encouraged to use these services.

Particularly first-generation college students may come from families in which no one has made a practice—or had a chance—to access services like these. No one has gone to counseling, for instance. Or sought career advice from a professional. Or visited a health practitioner on a regular basis. These may have seemed available only to people with more financial resources. But here you are. Going to college is starting a whole new chapter in your life, which is likely to be different from your parents’ or grandparents’ lives. Being here opens a whole new set of options. Don’t be afraid to take advantage of any one of them you think might be useful for your growth. Just as your coursework expands your mind and raises new questions and offers new perspectives and world views, these services can similarly help you have a successful college career.

Another example are domestic exchange or study abroad programs. Even though they’re not exactly “free stuff,” they present an incredible opportunity for students to spend time on another campus, travel to another country, and spend time in another culture for far less than the cost would be if you weren’t a student. It provides an opportunity to practice a language you’re learning and to bring new depth to a major you might be pursuing like African or Asian history or international affairs or world geography.

Some students don’t avail themselves of services because of what’s known as “imposter syndrome”—the feeling that you don’t deserve to be in college if you don’t come from a family in which people typically go to college. Many of you have heard from an authority figure that you’re not “college material” and should get a job or go to a vocational or trade school. Taking advantage of support services is a great way to overcome this barrier and to prove that authority figure wrong. Instead not accepting help is often a roadblock, because if you take advantage of the services, you may feel you are reinforcing the notion that you don’t belong. Therefore you continue to hide or cover up your inadequacies or your shame at not being able to perform successfully in an academic environment. The message you give yourself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: “I can’t let anyone know about the problem, therefore I can’t get help to address it.” Often this dilemma can lead to anger or resentment and hostility toward those who are trying to support you. The only way to get beyond this problem is to find the courage to admit what you don’t know, and what you can’t do, and seek help from trusted professionals who are there to provide the support you need. The difference between successful completion of a degree, graduate school in some instances, and a career and failure is the ability to ask for help and to accept it and use it to your advantage. There’s no shame in not knowing how to do something; the shame would be in not accepting the help that’s offered with gratitude.

Many generations of students who have come before you have not always been welcome in higher-education circles. Things have steadily improved for each generation; most students experience a sense of welcome and belonging that didn’t exist 25 or 30 years ago. If you do your part and try to meet faculty and staff halfway, you can be successful in accomplishing your goals and having a satisfying career.

Question: What help do you think you will need in your first two years of college, based on feedback or placement tests you’ve received in other settings?

Action: Outline a plan for yourself to get the help you need.

16

Work with Others to Address Shared Concerns

There is strength in numbers. Don’t go it alone.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” This observation comes from Margaret Mead, a famous anthropologist, and it applies in many settings, including higher education. As a student you are also a consumer and it’s important to be informed about your rights as well as your responsibilities. There has been a long-standing debate about whether education is a right or a privilege. I would say a college education these days is pretty much a necessity if you want to enter a career and do what you love rather than just have a job. The downside, however, is that you may end up with life-altering student debt.

The debate about whether a college education is more valuable than a trade is decades old. The answer to this question depends on the individual’s desires and preferences. As a lifelong educator I come down on the side of the importance of an education. Because it was often difficult to achieve for communities of color, we’ve always held it with a great deal of reverence. Higher education is not a panacea; it is in need of a great deal of improvement in order to meet the needs of diverse student populations. Students entering these settings are often disappointed because what the school says about itself in their materials and on their website doesn’t match the reality of students’ day-to-day experiences. There are often unexpected out-of-pocket costs, for example. Financial aid doesn’t adequately cover living expenses. Often the student body and faculty are less diverse than it appears in the ads. In some schools it’s difficult to get into the more competitive majors.

So how do you become informed consumers and work to make your school more responsive to your student needs? The first step is to have a clear understanding of the problems you are facing both on campus and in the larger world because they are often interrelated. Then join with others who are having similar problems, particularly through organizations that already exist on campus—student government, for instance. Some schools have student chapters of advocacy groups for women’s rights, civil rights, immigrant rights, climate justice, voters’ rights, etc. Remember that none of your concerns are yours alone. Many others, both on and off campus, share them. Whatever change you help to bring about will be helpful to those coming after you, just as the advantages you now enjoy were won for you by your predecessors. One powerful example of this is commemorated in a huge statue of four courageous young college students on the campus of North Carolina A & T, a historically Black college. These young men were the first to sit in at a segregated lunch counter in Woolworth’s Drug Store in Greensboro, North Carolina in order to desegregate it. Other students joined in, and their movement eventually led to the desegregation of public facilities all over the South. It was one more nail in the coffin of segregation.

It’s important to realize that battles against injustice are seldom won alone. When you act alone you leave yourself vulnerable to retaliation and can easily be ignored or dismissed. It’s important to choose your battles wisely. Not every cause is worth the sacrifice, but many are. Often the smaller injustices we encounter in the course of our educational experience reflect larger structural injustices. Confronting them helps you learn organizing skills for taking on critical public issues like voting rights, challenging police violence, and housing discrimination.

One of the organizing principles that is critical to remember is not to demonize the gatekeepers who hold authority in the institutions you attend. The administration, the faculty, the staff, and even other students are not your enemies. However, they can present obstacles and roadblocks to change. Therefore, it’s important to see yourself as a part of a larger movement for justice, human rights, and equality. While you’re in college you may take small steps toward opposing injustice, but you have a lifetime ahead of you to be the change you want to see in the world.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to far, go together.” – an African proverb

Question: What issues inspire you to take action? Do you belong to an organization that is fighting for social change? If so, which one?

Action: Attend a meeting of an organization that is working for social change.

17

Stay Connected to Your Source

Remain grounded in your spirituality and cultural traditions.
These are the things that sustain you when the “goin’ gets rough.”

Many of you probably come from families and communities that have given you a strong foundation and direction for your life. In difficult situations you might hear your mother’s or grandmother’s or pastor’s or father’s voice in your head offering guidance and encouragement. Listen and be grateful for those valuable words. College can have a way of making us feel ashamed and leading us to devalue the “folk” wisdom and cultural traditions that are part of our background. You come to college to learn and grow and often to improve your circumstances in life. But that doesn’t mean we have to give up the things that make us who we are and that have seen us through difficult and challenging times. Because when we give up the things that have gotten us to where we are without new things that are solidly in place to support us, we can find ourselves in rough waters without an anchor.

Marian Wright Edelman, former director of the Children’s Defense Fund, had a saying she put on T-shirts: “The sea is so wide, and my boat is so small.” This describes how, in my experience, individual students often feel when they first arrive on a college campus. The loneliness and isolation can be overwhelming. The setting and the size can be extremely intimidating, especially if you’re a first-generation college student and this is one of the first times you’ve set foot on a college campus.

One of the loneliest times for me as a first-generation student living on campus was Sunday mornings. For the previous seventeen years I had spent every Sunday morning in my local church surrounded by a loving community who affirmed and held me. Now I was at loose ends. I had been ready to move on from the church setting, but I missed the culture, the ritual, and the care I received from its members. There was a church in the college town that I could have attended, but it was difficult to get to without transportation. In hindsight I realize what I missed most were the Black women who were the backbone of the church and who knew how to nurture and encourage me and other young people to do our best and to help create a better life for ourselves and our communities. While in college I received letters of encouragement with a few dollars stuffed into the envelope. The amount wasn’t much compared to my financial needs, but the gesture was a reminder of the community support I’d left behind. All these years later I think of those women and remember their names and faces with gratitude and fondness.

This may not be your experience; however, it’s important to hold onto whatever has given you grounding and hope as you move into this new environment. It may not be a church community, or even your family. It may be a teacher or coach, members of an athletic team you played on, or the high school band you were part of. It’s wherever you felt a sense of belonging and self-worth. In the beginning college can have a way of making you feel invisible, unimportant, and inadequate. It’s up to you to remember that you are not those things—that you are more than that. You’re more than the grade you got on a test or term paper or the look you received from an instructor when you walked into the classroom. You are not alone. You are a loved son or daughter of a community with an ancestry and lineage that goes back generations and centuries and will continue into the future.

Question: Can you name someone who is a part of your ancestry whom you look to for inspiration?

Action: Create a “family tree”—including not just blood relations, but any friends and elders who have been important to you.

18

Find a Mentor or Advisor in Your Field

Meet with them regularly for guidance and support.

A mentor is a person who is willing to support, advise and guide you. As they get to know you they take your personal experience into account when they offer direction and encouragement. It’s sometimes hard to find a mentor when you’re young, in a new place and don’t know who to turn to. You don’t have to get it right the first time. You just have to keep at it until you find the right one for you. Never be afraid to say, “This relationship isn’t working for me,” and move on.

I didn’t have a mentor when I was in college or graduate school. There weren’t a lot of people who looked like me (race or gender) so I didn’t have many people to choose from. However, later in my professional life I asked someone to be my mentor. At first she said no, but I was persistent and didn’t take no for an answer. She finally agreed and she made a huge difference in my life both professionally and personally. I will forever be grateful to her.

How do you know when you’ve found the right one? Pick someone you admire and would like to be like. When I was a little girl there were people I admired in my church or my neighborhood based on how they looked. I admired people who had prematurely grey hair, people who looked distinguished, who were doing jobs I thought were interesting even if I didn’t know what they entailed. I would always pick those people and observe them closely from a distance. I wanted to know everything about them. Some might even have thought I was obsessed—or a stalker! But I thought the more I learned about them the more I could model my life after them. Finding a mentor is a little like that. It helps to be able to see yourself in that person. And it helps even more if that person responds to your interest or desire to get to know them and learn from them. Mentors who take the role seriously may not always have the time to devote to you so they may turn you down. If that happens, don’t take it personally; just know there are others who might fill the bill. Remember there’s a power dynamic that’s always in play. It’s important to establish boundaries and know that you always have the right to set limits.

Mentors are a little like high school coaches. Some yell and scream and are very emotional and some are very soft-spoken and have a quiet presence. It’s important to decide which style of communication you respond best to. You may not know which you prefer initially; it takes time to know what works for you. But if you find yourself put off by blunt outspokenness and feel more comfortable with a nurturing style, then choose somebody who takes that approach. You might find someone who is outgoing and engaging and fun-loving or someone who is serious and task-oriented and businesslike. The important thing is to find someone who works well for what you need in the moment. What you need will change over time.

If you can find someone in a field you’d like to go into, that would be perfect. For example, if you want to go into engineering and can find a faculty member or alum or graduate student in that field willing to mentor you, they will probably be the most helpful. Even if you can’t find someone in your specific field of interest, their knowledge can still serve as a resource and they can point you in the right direction to get your more specific needs met. The main point, however, is not to try to do it alone when there are people around who can help you avoid some of the pitfalls and provide advice that can lead to your success.

Over the course of my work life I have mentored many students, particularly students from a similar background to mine. I saw myself in those students and wanted to offer to them what I didn’t receive when I was a student. I followed the advice my mentor gave me—to pass it on. She taught me that “Success has many mothers.”

Question: Who are the people you’ve grown up around whom you have admired most?

Action: Describe the things about them that stood out for you.

19

Make Use of Available Resources

Use audio books while commuting, study aids on mobile devices, and writing support like “Smart Thinking” and anti-plagiarism software like “turnitin.com.”

A lot of support for college students’ academic needs can be found in new technologies. Many of them have been developed for students with disabilities, but the technology is available to any student, not just those with registered disabilities. You might want to scroll through the App store to find out what’s available—software for note taking, writing support, practice programs for math and languages, for instance.

As a dean of students, I was in charge of disability services, a kind of service similar to counseling that students often don’t want to use because they don’t want to ask for help. Sometimes they suspect they might have a problem and try to hide it for fear of being stigmatized. This reinforces their sense of inferiority or not belonging—not being “college material,” which is what they may have been told by their high school counselors. On the other hand, some students, whose parents have actively advocated for their needs, have been using disability support since grade school or high school and have a documented disability assessment from a licensed professional. This document can be very empowering. It allows a student to walk into a college administrative office with the expectation of getting the help they need even before classes begin. A disability assessment can be expensive if it’s done privately, however.

In a recent commercial a man is lifting weights when the barbell lands on his chest. It’s too heavy for him and he can’t get it off. Another weightlifter rushes over to offer help and the person lying on the bench says, “No, thank you. I’ll do it myself.” The one offering help says, “There’s no shame in asking for help.” But the person on the bench insists, “No, you don’t know my family,” meaning, “I don’t deserve help.” This is a great example of how some students have been conditioned to refuse help that could make the difference between success and failure.

I have personally seen students resist when staff have suggested assistance that could help them pass a class, get a higher grade, or strengthen skills that would benefit them throughout their college careers. It’s hard not to see such resistance as stubbornness. I understand it’s deeper than that, but often, when you’re trying to throw a student a life preserver and they’re pushing it away and drowning, it’s easy to forget that the student may have experienced trauma that’s causing them to refuse the lifeline.

So accept help—in person or in the form of new technologies like turnitin.com; study.com; writing support sites; and a wide range of other apps. Sometimes it’s easier, or feels less vulnerable, to accept help from an app than from a person. Most campuses have study centers or tutorial centers where you can get coaching for a science or math class, for instance, if you haven’t had good preparation in high school. Most schools have created services that support student learning. In addition to such supports, you can create your own study group with classmates to reinforce what you’re learning. Colleges are invested in students’ success. If you stay, they receive your tuition, and their graduation rate is improved. However, you find help, it’s important not to try to do it alone. I can’t stress this enough. Being willing and able to ask for help when you need it is a life skill that will benefit you throughout your life.

Question: What academic areas do you feel you need to strengthen in order to succeed in college?

Action: Create an action plan that will allow you to improve your skills in that area.

20

Take Yourself Seriously as a Scholar

Commit to doing community-based research, study abroad programs, conference presentations, and speaking engagements.

From the first day you walk onto campus it’s important to see yourself not only as someone who belongs, but as someone who will graduate, become an alum, a successful professional and, in some instances, a scholar—maybe even a professor at your school or another institution. First-generation college students may not always have family members and friends who model these roles, so it might be harder for you to see yourself in these situations.

One encouraging slogan I used to have on my bathroom mirror was “If you can conceive it, you can believe it, and you can achieve it.” It simply meant that it starts with your own thinking about what’s possible, which can become your reality if you work at it.

Start small. Figure out what you love to do–history, writing, art, biology, music, psychology, political science–whatever it is. Then identify a mentor, an advisor, a trusted teacher to work with and emulate while you are finding your own way. Take advantage of leadership opportunities by joining student government or becoming a resident advisor (RA) for your floor if you live in a dorm. You might consider joining a student club not necessarily related to your degree–this might be choir or band, a debate club, model UN, a student organization focused on political or social issues. Once you figure out what you love to do, become knowledgeable about the field by reading professional journals and important texts and current literature in the field. If this is something you love, immerse yourself in it. Seek to become knowledgeable about the field and imagine yourself as an expert one day. And follow your curiosity! Read around–not just what’s assigned, but whatever might answer questions that come up. It’s never been easier to get answers to basic questions: Google and Wikipedia can be starting points. But move on from there to other sources where the professional conversations are occurring. Attend conferences in the field on the student rate, especially if they’re in the area. If you can’t attend, there are other ways to hear from scholars and experts in the field. See if the presentations are available on Zoom or YouTube. Think of yourself as a detective trying to investigate and discover relevant information about your subject matter.

Check in with your professors and teaching assistants to see if they have basic work you can do to help them with their own research projects. This may lead to an internship or student research fellowship down the road, even as an undergraduate. This kind of opportunity is more common in the natural sciences, especially over the summer.

Sometimes you can get summer employment working for a company or non-profit organization in a field you might be interested in pursuing as a career–helping take surveys, collecting data, working in the office as a receptionist or administrative assistant. On-the-job experience in a field you think you might be interested in essential to your professional development. For example, if you are interested in history, oral history is an important component of research these days. Interviewing older family members and recording their stories is a great first step as a way not only of capturing your family history, but practicing interviewing and reporting techniques. History is a part of everything you learn: don’t just focus on the present problems or challenges people are working on, but also find out the backstory. How has the field evolved?

Be realistic about what you know and don’t know. Ask for advice or guidance about ways to deepen your knowledge. Be open to feedback and criticism. Sometimes, based on your background and experience, it’s hard to take criticism without its feeling like a personal attack. In my experience there’s a strong correlation between success and the ability to take critical feedback. You don’t come to college as a finished product, but rather a work in progress. Life isn’t through with us yet.

Question: Name one piece of feedback you felt was hurtful at the time, but later realized was valuable? Why?

Action: Practice giving feedback to a friend or family member you think would be helpful to them.

21

Be Proactive!

Don’t wait until your problem escalates beyond your control. Act decisively in the early stages of a difficulty while it still can be managed.

You can deal with it now or later. Later is more difficult. I have dozens of examples of “later” in my life because I’ve been a procrastinator. I’m trying to change that pattern now. Sometimes it takes a really negative experience to make you promise yourself never to let it happen again. One of my worst experiences came from my accumulation of parking tickets at my workplace. Parking was challenging at work and one year I decided not to purchase a parking permit and to try to park on the street and move my car when appropriate. This was a bad mistake. I thought I’d save a little money. Instead, it cost me much more money, time, and anxiety. My parking tickets got more expensive when they added on late fees. It got to the point where I had to pay so many parking tickets, I couldn’t get my car registration renewed. So not only did I have excess parking tickets with late fees, I had expired registration and late fees on that, and fear of getting ticketed for late registration. This went on for a while until I finally broke down and worked out an arrangement to pay the parking tickets during a time of amnesty with the city for parking violators. It got me out of a terrible situation, and I swore never to let it happen again. I kept my promise. Now I put more in the meter than I need to just to make sure I never run out. I figure the extra couple of dollars I’m paying for parking has saved me hundreds of dollars in parking tickets and late fees. I imagine we could all give examples of instances when we procrastinated, and it made things worse. If this is your tendency, it’s best to correct it early in life.

An example from student life is late papers: in many classes lateness is penalized by lowering the grade. In those cases the grade on a late paper doesn’t reflect your skills so much as your habits. This point brings up an earlier point about communicating in a timely way with faculty or any school official when and if you have a problem. If you have a valid reason for not being able to complete an assignment on time, many faculty members will work with you to help you complete the assignment without penalty. Usually, you have to supply supporting documentation that explains your situation. If you don’t have a valid reason and you just have poor time management skills, you might want to seek counseling because this behavior may be masking a deeper problem — a skills deficit or a psychological challenge. As I’ve mentioned earlier, there’s no shame in asking for help and it often makes a difference between success and failure.

Another area in which being proactive is important is paying bills. As with tickets, if they’re not handled in a timely manner, they generate late fees that only make payment more difficult. So, if you have a tuition bill and you can’t afford it, make arrangements with the business office to establish a payment plan, which is often available for anyone who asks. Similarly, if you find yourself unable to pay your rent, in addition to talking to your landlord and asking for an extension, emergency loans are sometimes available. You can also talk to the financial aid office to see if you can get a reassessment of your financial aid package, especially in extenuating circumstances like loss of your job or a family member’s.

For many people being “proactive” means planning ahead. Some of us have come from families that lived paycheck to paycheck, and we didn’t think there was a lot of opportunity to plan ahead; we just managed to figure out how to get through the month. In hindsight I have realized that it’s even more important to engage in proactive planning when you have less to work with. So having a budget, which is only a spending and savings plan, can be really useful. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy; it can even be scribbled on a sheet of paper, as long as you pay attention to it. If you do this regularly, you’ll get more comfortable with it and more accurate in your planning until eventually you are able to make ends meet. There’s an old saying that if you do well with a little, you will be given more.

Question: Can you think of a time when ignoring a problem just made it worse?

Action: Take steps to address one problem you’ve been avoiding.

22

Choose Well

Find the school that’s a good fit for you in terms of cost, size, location, and academic focus.

Sometimes students look only at schools they think they can get into and avoid applying to schools that seem too challenging in their entrance requirements, particularly test scores. However, more and more schools are no longer requiring SAT and ACT scores.

So, let’s talk about “fit.” What do I mean by finding a school that’s a good fit for you? It’s complicated! There are a number of questions to ask yourself and representatives of the school as you decide, for example: Is the school really worth the money? Will I feel welcomed and supported there? Does the school offer the course of study I want to pursue?

Unless you’re going to a top-tier school with universal name-recognition (Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Princeton, for example) an expensive private school may not be worth the money. Many adults find themselves saddled with life-altering student debt for decades, sometimes for their entire lives. That debt can prevent them from buying a home, from starting a business, from starting a family, from travel, from doing things most people go to college in hopes of being able to do. Selecting a school is a very important decision because a lot is riding on it. I see students who haven’t done their research and don’t realize until after the fact that they’ve made an unwise choice.

The second most important consideration, in my opinion, is whether the school you attend will be a welcoming and supportive environment. Historically Black Schools (HBCU’s) and Hispanic-Serving Institutions (HSI’s), for instance, aren’t for everyone, but many students flourish there. It’s really about knowing yourself well enough to know where you’ll be motivated to do your best work and researching the school well enough to determine whether you’ll thrive there. If you can, it’s important to visit the school, talk with other students, attend a few classes, and get a feel for what it would be like to live in this environment. It’s important to pay attention to how you feel when you’re on campus.

A number of organizations offer college tours for students of color (like churches, civic organizations, Boys and Girls’ Clubs, sororities and fraternities). It might be a good idea to sign up for a tour in your junior or senior year of high school (preferably your junior year) so you have time to think about it. These tours help reduce expenses and can be a bonding experience for students and parents in some instances as you’re preparing for college.

If you’re interested in science, technology, engineering or mathematics (STEM), it might be important to consider schools that are known for graduating large numbers of students in those fields and helping place them in internships, graduate schools, and professional positions. For example, Xavier University in New Orleans, a historically Black college, is known for producing the largest number of Black doctors and pharmacists in the country. Their undergraduate science programs are designed to prepare students for graduate and professional schools in these two areas. If you want to be an engineer, it’s important to consider your local state university. Many of them have strong engineering departments in addition to other excellent STEM programs. Moreover, it’s important to keep the cost down in your undergraduate years in order to avoid too much debt, if you want to go to professional or graduate school. The cost of a graduate or professional degree can easily be over $100,000. So, if you’re hoping to go into a field like law, medicine, or business administration, think ahead to the five to seven years or more it will take to finish. If you borrow every year, calculate your total cumulative debt so you know what to expect. Often students get to the end of their academic careers and are shocked to find out the amount of debt they have accumulated, and the amount of interest they will pay over the life of that debt. I’m not trying to discourage you–just the opposite. But I want you to have a realistic attitude and understanding of what to expect so you can plan carefully. Often people say things like, “The more education the better” and “Education is the one thing no one can take away from you.” However, these days, because of the high cost of higher education this is only true if you plan well and know what you’re getting into in advance.

Question: What schools have you dreamed about going to and why? Have you gone to their websites?

Action: Go to the school’s website and look at the course offerings and requirements for graduation in programs that interest you.

23

Keep Up With Your Life

Keep your affairs in order. Even as a young person, it’s a habit you can begin, and it can stay with you the rest of your life.

Once I heard a speaker tell a story about an older man who gave him advice. He said, “You’re very talented and you have a lot to offer. The one piece of advice I can give you is to keep up with your life.” The older man was speaking from the experience of not having done a good job in this area. When I heard this story, it spoke to me as well, because over the course of my life I have learned the hard way how important it is to keep up with your life, to pay attention to details, to take care of the ordinary things that come up in the course of living like paying bills, parking tickets, and debts on time or going to the doctor or dentist when you might have a problem, or repairing your car. Taking care of these things in a timely manner can avoid more serious problems later.

What has stopped me in the past from doing these things early has been fear. I was afraid to tackle what I saw as difficult and overwhelming situations, and in avoiding them, I only made them worse. I’ve had friends who have experienced health problems, and some put off going to the doctor while others, though scared, went in early. Often, to those who went in early, the doctor said, “It’s good you came in when you did because we were able to catch the problem in time.” Those who delayed often found the problem didn’t get better or go away; it only got worse. This is true of everything in life we avoid dealing with. It doesn’t go away on its own.

Fear can be paralyzing and keep you from taking action. How do you get beyond it? Move through it? There’s no easy answer to how to move through fear when you’re faced with it. We often realize our fears were overblown only once we’re beyond them and look back on them. I often looked back and said, “Wow! That was much easier than I thought it would be.” But before I tackled it, it seemed so scary and overwhelming.

One way I’ve approached a scary task is to do what’s called “chunking it up” into smaller pieces and taking one piece at a time rather than focusing on the whole thing at once. I’ve often found that once I get going, I build momentum and it becomes easier. It’s sort of like getting warmed up when you exercise: once you start slow and warm up gradually, exercise becomes easier and less painful.

Another helpful habit I’ve learned, though I resisted it for a long time, is to make a “to-do” list and check things off one at a time as they’re completed. At first to-do lists seemed like too much detail for me. But I’ve made a game of it by looking for interesting note pads with boxes and check marks. Now I enjoy looking at my to-do list with all its check marks and feeling a sense of accomplishment. Also, it’s very stress-reducing to know some of the things that were nagging me have now been completed.

Often successful people later in life find something they didn’t do or take care of like paying taxes on time or handling their money appropriately gets in the way of achieving something they really wanted to do. Don’t let this happen to you. It’s not worth losing a job or a promotion because you handle your business in a timely way. Keep up with your life!

Question: What one thing do you struggle to keep up with? What ideas or suggestions do you have for making routine tasks more enjoyable and satisfying?

Action: Pick one challenging area and try out some ways to make it less burdensome.

24

Take Care of your Body and your Health

“The body is the temple of the spirit.”

The older I get, the more I hear about high school and college friends who are not doing well physically or who have passed away. This continues to serve as a reinforcement and reminder to me of how important it is to take care of my health, both physical and mental. Sometimes I see people on the street or in the grocery store who are younger than I and I see them using a cane or a walker or a motorized wheelchair, and I think, “Wow! What happened to them?” I often wonder how much of their condition has to do with their not having taken good care of their bodies. Sometimes their condition is beyond their control. There are things we can control if we start early enough. Healthy lifestyle choices can make a difference. I recognize structural racism in health is a major contributing factor in so much of what the statistics reflect: diabetes, obesity, auto-immune disorders, high blood pressure and other stress-related illnesses are all more prevalent in low-income communities that lack access to resources that include farmers’ markets, supermarkets, safe walking paths, clean air and adequate housing.

In spite of all these challenges, it’s important to look for ways to maintain a healthy lifestyle from a young age. Even if you have access to a car, the more you find opportunities to walk places, the better. Wrist odometers that count steps are relatively inexpensive and a great way to motivate yourself to get eight to ten thousand steps a day. That’s a great start. When you’re young, you’re more likely to exercise in groups, playing basketball, volleyball, softball. As you get older, you find yourself having to provide your own motivation rather than depending on others. It’s easier when you can count on someone calling or coming by to get you to go work out. But regardless of how we go about it, we have to learn to be our own best workout partner. Find an exercise that you enjoy and that fits your personality–African dance, tennis, weight training, swimming, running, yoga, or martial arts. It’s easier when you’re younger and single, without kids and a lot of other responsibilities; the busier your life gets the harder it is to make time for yourself in order to care for your health. Often, we feel guilty if we’re trying to take care of our health rather than do something for a family member who needs our support.

Often people spend a lot of money on grooming like hair and clothing, while overlooking their health needs. This is a little like paying yourself first by saving money from every check or pay period. Budgeting for a gym membership or a trainer or a workout activity is similar to paying yourself first. It’s an investment in self that pays dividends not only in the short run but twenty or thirty years out like compound interest or a stock portfolio. Over and over again, as we talk about these strategies, an underlying message is learning to put yourself first or near the top–not at the bottom. If you’re the responsible one in your family whom everybody turns to for support and assistance, it’s easy to begin putting yourself lower and lower on the list until one day you’re not on the list at all–you don’t even make the list! That’s when you begin to move from an asset to a liability for yourself. Don’t look back one day and realize your health has suffered or been compromised because you didn’t make yourself a priority.

Fitness and self-confidence often go hand in hand. The better I feel about myself the more confident I am about what I can accomplish. I realized that many years ago when I was going for a fellowship opportunity, and I had to fly to another location and be interviewed by a panel of individuals from around the state. I walked into a room that had a large table and many chairs. I was told to sit at one end. I looked up at all those people in the room and took a deep breath. I could feel myself accessing my core and felt calm and self-assured and ready for what they were going to ask me. I was successful in obtaining the fellowship and as I reflected back on the process, I realized I was in the best shape of my life. I was able to take deep breaths and relax in spite of my nervousness and apprehension about the interview process. This taught me a lesson: ever since then when I’ve gone for anything important like a job interview, I have attempted to get in good physical shape first. Mind, body and spirit are all interrelated and work together to support the whole person.

Question: What physical activitiy do you enjoy and find relaxing?

Action: Do it regularly for a month.

25

Work for Justice and Serve Others

“Service is the rent we pay for living.” — Marian Wright Edelman

Certain professions are considered service-oriented like nursing, medicine, social work, or teaching, while others are seen as more self-fulfilling or profit-oriented like art, music, business, or engineering. Regardless of what career you choose to pursue, it’s important to make time to give of yourself in service of others, whether it’s a worthwhile cause or a helping hand. Previous generations have gone into the Peace Corps, which is a government-sponsored program that sends people abroad to help people in poor and developing countries improve their quality of life. There were also opportunities for college students to go on Freedom Rides and voter registration drives during the Civil Rights era. People who have participated in these activities have said it was the most significant event in their lives except perhaps for getting married and having children. After these events they felt that they could do anything they set their minds to because nothing could be as hard and scary as those were. These days programs like these are not as visible or well publicized.

When I was in college, I wanted to go to Mississippi for freedom summer, which was a voter registration drive to support Black voters in obtaining their full citizenship rights. I was scared to death because three civil rights workers, Schwerner, Goodman and Chaney, were killed trying to register people to vote. My parents would not entertain such an idea, so I didn’t go. Even now, all these years later, I still believe if I’d been able to go it would have changed the direction of my life. I might have gone to law school and become a lawyer working for social justice. I certainly would have had more confidence in how I chose to live my life. Nevertheless, I was fortunate to have a job that allowed me to serve others. I felt honored when former students came up to me and told me how much difference my help had made in their life. We don’t all have the opportunity to serve so directly in our work, but we can all find ways to make sure our work in some way benefits others.

Sometimes you have to seek out ways to make a difference. Needs can be right under your nose, in your neighborhood or community or school or place of worship. Sometimes they can be on the other side of the world. Joining the military, for instance, can indirectly be a way to serve others and yourself. Although military service is not a perfect solution, because sometimes soldiers are sent to the wrong places for the wrong reasons and can end up in harm’s way, it can put you in situations and teach you skills that enable you to help others. If we lived in a perfect world, military service wouldn’t necessarily be a good option, but we don’t. Military service can be an honorable profession, as can policing and teaching.

Unfortunately, these professions are sometimes co-opted by people and groups that are more interested in making money than in serving the community. Community service is best done by people who come from the community they’re serving because they know that community and the community knows them. Particularly teaching and policing are two professions that need to be reformed and recreated from the inside out by the communities that they represent. Once you’ve received your education and training, consider going back to your own community to serve the people who have served you.

Question: What kind of service can you imagine offering to the community you live in?

Action: Look up opportunities to participate in providing this service.

Afterword

All these recommendations can be helpful if followed, but the most important decision you will make is what college to attend, in part because college is so expensive these days. As I said earlier, my goal for students is to avoid being saddled with life-altering debt that prevents you from doing other things you want to do in life. Deciding to go to a more expensive school because you’re pleased to have been accepted can cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars. More and more I’m recommending that students attend a two-year community college near their home. Many of these have a good reputation in particular fields and prepare you well for transfer to a four-year college. The average cost of a private college is between $40,000 and $50,000 a year these days. Community college can reduce that cost significantly: tuition at community colleges as I write ranges from __________. What you save can equal the cost of the first two years of graduate school.

It’s important to do any remedial work you need (work that prepares you for college level courses), particularly in math or English, in high school, at a community college or in a public adult education class rather than paying a costly tuition at college for units you don’t receive college credit for. Ideally, taking college prep courses in high school is the best way to prepare for college level work.

And avoid the credit card trap! Once you get to college credit card companies will start flooding your mailbox with credit card offers. Most students are flattered and don’t think about the consequences of running up a lot of credit card debt until they are four or five thousand dollars in debt. Credit companies are not doing you any favors; the money is not free. The interest rates are high and they are making money off of you by getting you to start using their cards for things you might not buy if you didn’t have access to credit. Although you might need at least one credit card in order to establish credit, use it wisely: try to pay off the balance monthly, which is the best way to establish credit.

Your college years can be the best years of your life. Often when people look back on that time, they realize how valuable they were in spite of the challenges they encountered. This information that I have shared is a way for you to make the most of this time in your life and to walk away with what you came for without too much added burden from excessive debt.

Finally, college majors don’t always lead directly into professional careers, and it’s not always clear when you’re an undergraduate what you want to do when you graduate. Some college majors are more vocationally oriented than others. For example, if you major in accounting, you expect to be an accountant after you graduate. Other majors prepare you for graduate and professional schools like medicine or law or dentistry. However, the most important thing, especially if you’re not sure what to major in, is to get the excellent skills in written and oral communication, critical thinking, and math and computer literacy. These skills are the foundation for successful employment and a fulfilling life.

The opportunity to receive a college education was not as available to your parents, grandparents, and ancestors as it is to you. Many of their sacrifices have made it possible for you to pursue higher education. Honor them by doing well.

* * *

APPENDIX 1

FOR FAMILY:

How to Help your Student Avoid Common Pitfalls

1. If you’re paying for your student’s education, make an agreement that they will have their grades sent to you. For example, colleges cannot, by law, share grades of people over 18 with parents or family without the student’s permission, but most provide a document that the student can sign to give that permission. It is important to know how they are doing if you’re going to support them effectively, especially if you’re helping pay for it.

Knowing how they’re doing in the first months of college can help you provide appropriate guidance if they’re having difficulty. For many students, college is a big adjustment from high school because there’s less structure and supervision. Students are on their own to go to class; nobody is making them do their assignments. Parental oversight can make the difference between success and failure in the beginning of their college journey.

2. Students and family members should know the crime statistics for the campus they are attending. Colleges are required to report these numbers annually and publish them on their website. need to know About 25% of female students report having experienced date rape sometime in college. We don’t know how many such incidents go unreported. Family members should encourage students to go places in groups and take care of each other’s safety. Students can no longer afford to be naive about date rape drugs circulated at parties. Often schools offer workshops and training on how to protect yourself and be safe whether walking on campus or in other settings. Encourage your student to learn about ways to avoid becoming a victim.

3. Some students experience mental health crises in college in part because of the stress of academic performance; in other cases, because of anxiety about fitting in and being accepted by a social group; and in others, because of being away from home for the first time and not having the support they received from family. This mental health crisis may be reflected in many ways. The important thing is to get them help as soon as the problem is noticed. Fortunately, they’re in a great place to receive help: the health center, counseling center, and psychological services are all there to meet those needs. If they’re living on campus their residence hall advisor can provide some of the guidance necessary to get them to the right place. If their college is within driving distance, visiting campus a few times each semester is a way to stay in touch and see how they’re doing in their new environment. If it’s further away, you might attend “parent’s day” once a semester or once a year, but if your child is fragile or has led a sheltered life, it might be a good idea for you to establish contact with their hall advisor or someone who can observe their behavior and get them help if needed.

4. Talk with them about how much money they will have to spend for personal needs. If they haven’t already, this is the time for them to start a bank account and establish personal credit, and a time to make a budget. Encourage them not to accept unsolicited credit card offers. If they can begin to understand the importance of having good credit when they’re young, it will benefit them for the rest of their life.

5. Talk with them about choosing a career or major. These days educational and career advisors are encouraging students to major in science, technology, engineering, or mathematics–fields collectively referred to as STEM. Credentialed teachers and social workers (MSWs and LCSWs) and healthcare workers are in demand, so majors in education, social work, and nursing (BSN) are good fields, as well.

Often when students enter college, they don’t know what they want to major in and they change majors two or three times in the course of their college career. This can be costly and extend their time as undergraduates. It’s probably unrealistic to expect a 17- or 18-year-old to know what they want to major in and what career they would like to pursue. Often, they name things they see on television–things like being a lawyer or a doctor or a business person without knowing much about the requirements for these degrees and professions.

One possible solution is to encourage students to focus in the beginning on the general education courses that all colleges require for graduation. These courses cover subjects like humanities and arts, social and natural sciences, as well as foundational skills. This helps students determine which subjects they enjoy and do well in and also informs them about necessary prerequisites and deficiencies. Ideally, by the middle of their second year, students should have more clarity about a possible major and a career and your role can be to help guide them to internships, part-time and summer jobs, and informational interviews that can help them explore various career options they have identified. As a former academic advisor and dean of students, one of my biggest frustrations was seeing students floundering after graduation trying to find a job related to their years of study. My recommendation is to help students “think from the end,” by figuring out where they want to be five or ten years from graduation and help them determine how best to prepare.

6. Help equip them to deal with unwelcome encounters, racial slurs, implicit bias, and inequitable treatment. These events can be heartbreaking. Most college campuses have tried to create a welcoming and inclusive environment for the diverse student populations they are now attempting to serve. However, they have met with only moderate success, in part because many students arrive on campus from very homogeneous environments of people who look just like them, and are not used to sitting next to, or attending a class with, people of different racial, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds from all over the world. We have to prepare students for what to expect, how to speak up for themselves, and where to get help once they encounter these micro-aggressions.

Sometimes students aren’t ready to hear hard truths about the world we live in and inequitable treatments that some receive in institutions like education, criminal justice, health care, or housing. But I’ve always felt, as a parent, better to hear it from me than experience it for the first time without a historical context. Until textbooks offer a more comprehensive and balanced view of American history, students will have to get a fuller story about the past and the enduring legacy of oppression from people they trust. This way they will be less likely simply to blame themselves or see themselves as victims.

None of us have all the solutions to problems students might encounter as they enter college. However, as a community comprised of educators, family members, friends, and people of faith, we can be more intentional about supporting our young people as they make the transition from home to college. This manual is one small effort to help support them.

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APPENDIX 2

BEGIN AT THE BEGINNING:

How BIPOC Parents Can Lay the Groundwork for their Children’s Educational Success

by Shirley Strong

A Word of Introduction

While this manual is primarily for families with young people preparing to enter college, I add these thoughts about early childhood preparation for education for two reasons: 1) It’s never too late to consider your children’s stories and where they may need particular help if there were gaps or special challenges in their early years. 2) Many of us whose children are in their teens or twenties or beyond are or will be actively involved in helping raise young children. Children are the most precious gift we can have, and the better we know how to prepare them for the future, the more we can help them take full advantage of the opportunities are available to them in a highly advanced technological society. My father told me that he could make a living using his hands, by the sweat of his brow, but I wouldn’t be able to do that. I would need to be able to use my mind. I would have to prepare differently in order to be successful. I think that is even more true for future generations. What keeps me awake at night is the question of how well we’re preparing BIPOC children to step into that future, be competitive for college admissions, tech jobs, and other opportunities that come their way–and not only competitive but confident. The sooner we start the better. It’s never too late, even if they’re in middle school or high school, to initiate some of these practices. Especially homework habits. Many studies show that doing homework every night directly correlates with student success. Black and Brown children are at the lower end of the spectrum in terms of how regularly they complete their homework. According to the data, Asians are first, whites are second, Latinx are third and Blacks are fourth. This breaks my heart, because so often we are starting with inequities that continue to remain unaddressed–for example, poorly funded schools, criminalization of young BIPOC boys and men, economic disparities. BIPOC children need a head start. Marian Wright Edelman of the Children’s Defense Fund used to have a slogan, “Leave no child behind.” That job belongs to all of us.

1. Start Early. Make sure they have the basics.

Read to them and with them

We often get baby clothes for a newborn from family and friends, but we get fewer books and things that can stimulate a child’s mind. Ask those who seek your advice about gifts for your child to give books, particularly books that reflect your family’s racial, ethnic, and cultural background. If there is one, in particular, that you enjoyed, growing up, make sure you pass that along to your child, even if you have to find it again. Also be aware that there are publishers that specialize in children’s books for BIPOC children. You can share this information with your family and friends if they’re having trouble finding appropriate books.

Rituals are important to create and maintain in the lives of children. For example, bathing, saying prayers before bed, and reading or hearing a bedtime story can become a special time in a busy schedule for parents and children. This routine or ritual doesn’t always have to be performed by the mother. Sometimes it can be a way for a father or grandparent or other member of the family to bond with the child.

Stories feed the imagination and help create a sense of possibility. Having been a working single parent myself, I would encourage busy mothers and single parents can prioritize this one thing in a hectic schedule, even if it seems impossible. Reading together is the single most important educational preparation you can give your child. It’s a great head start in a very competitive environment.

Talk with your children. Conversation matters.

Start from the time they’re born. Talk to your baby as if they could understand. If you’re alone together as you fold clothes or prepare dinner, describe what you’re doing: tell them what’s happening. They need to hear your words and your voice. They heard your voice when they were in the womb. Research has helped us understand how important it is for children to get connected to language as soon as possible. It may seem ridiculous to talk to an infant in whole sentences rather than “baby talk,” but they pick up the rhythms and tonalities of conversation before they can use words. They pick up more than you might think. There examples on YouTube of babies having very serious conversations with their parents, making no sense at all, but thinking they are communicating; these are the first steps in acquiring language skills. Often you see young children being interviewed. Some are extremely verbal while others struggle to find words to express themselves. I think a lot of the difference has to do with how parents and family communicated with them early on.

Buy games and equipment that awaken intellectual curiosity.

It’s important to have games where they can use their hands. Building with blocks, putting parts together, arranging puzzle pieces all help with eye-hand coordination and teach them to notice patterns. Pay attention to what kids really respond to–what awakens their interest–and encourage that interest. Find ways to feed it. For example, Bobby and Dessi Parrish made a whole series of YouTube videos and eventually wrote cookbooks featuring a little girl named Rose who began cooking under the age of two. Often parents get sporting equipment–balls, basketball hoops and soccer nets–for their children. This is a good start on physical dexterity, which goes hand in hand with mental development. But don’t neglect the mental aspect in favor of the physical. There should be a balance between the two. Even for those who grow up to be successful athletes, the mental is as important as the physical. Often what hinders them from getting into a successful college sports program or pursuing an athletic scholarship is their academic abilities.

Make sure your child can read and write at grade level.

Talk to teachers about the math and reading skills that are expected at each grade level before your child enters that particular grade. Buy the books that help prepare them for their grade level. For example, places like Costco and Target have books and workbooks for each grade level at a reasonable price. Also, libraries, local Boys’ and Girls’ Clubs, and some churches have many of these books. If the books aren’t on their shelves you can request that these organizations purchase them; they’re usually quite happy to comply.

Ideally, children should be able to spell their name, recite their ABCs, read simple words, and count to ten by the time they finish preschool or enter kindergarten. The sooner they can acquire these skills, the better. The brains of children under six are sponges when it comes to learning. Don’t leave it to other people but make reading part of family life. Recognizing that each child’s development is different, the goal should be to get them as prepared as possible to enter school. This is important because they will quickly begin to compare themselves to other children. Good preparation will give them confidence in their abilities and reinforce their desire to learn. A child I knew had a very attentive family who, however, didn’t realize the importance of making sure the child’s reading skills were at grade level. With not much reinforcement at home, the child didn’t develop reading skills at the same rate as other children. He became embarrassed to go to school and didn’t feel comfortable reading. This problem can follow a child throughout their school years unless it is resolved early. Literacy statistics indicate that two thirds of students who can’t read at grade level by fourth grade will end up in jail or on welfare. Often this problem is more prevalent among Black and Brown boys; Black men have a high rate of incarceration, and Latinos are second. Some of this, of course, is due to the inequities in the justice system, however one way to counter this is to make sure young children are well prepared educationally. As my father would say, an education is something that can never be taken away from you. [https://www.begintoread.com/research/literacystatistics.html]

When they start receiving homework assignments, make time to sit down and go over the assignments with them.

Carve out time each evening or when they get home from school to help them with homework and make sure it’s done. Create an expectation that homework is important and will be prioritized before anything else like watching TV, playing video games, visiting friends, or playing sports. If you start when they’re very young, in preschool or kindergarten, and maintain consistency, this will become a habit that they can continue throughout their school years. Make sure the child has a set place to work–the kitchen or dining room table or a desk. Have a folder or drawer for homework so it stays neat and clean, and the child knows where to find it when it’s time to take it to school. Young children, in particular, enjoy spending this kind of time with their parents, so make doing homework a part of family time together. Often adult children cite these moments as some of the most memorable and significant ones in their childhood–times when Mom and Dad or other family members sat down with them and checked to make sure their homework was done correctly, and they were prepared for the next day.

Neither of my own parents had a high school education, but they were determined that I be well prepared and do my best in school. So even when I got into higher grades and they couldn’t help me with math, they found someone in the neighborhood to help me with my math homework. The most important thing to them was that I do better and go further in school than they did.

Historically, it has been especially important to BIPOC and immigrant parents who didn’t have a lot of opportunities, and who had to struggle, to have their children become more successful and go further in life than they did. Their children’s successes made their sacrifices and hardships worthwhile. This is still true today for many parents and families, though violence and economic stresses are an add to the challenge of accomplishing these goals.

Limit screen time.

Children get phones much earlier now than a generation ago. It’s common now to see a two- or three-year-old sitting in a waiting room or grocery cart with a tablet in their hands, playing a game. I’m often surprised when I see those electronics rather than toy trucks or stuffed animals or board books. It’s certainly true that tablets, phones, and laptops can be powerful learning tools if used strategically. But it’s important to help children manage their screen time very carefully. A study from Harvard Medical School, among many others, has shown that screen time can become addictive, reduce attention spans, damage self-esteem, reduce creativity, and create mental health challenges [https://hms.harvard.edu/news/screen-time-brain]. Too much screen time, studies have also shown, contribute to childhood obesity and other health problems, since children who spend time on screens spend far less time outdoors running and playing. A mother’s refrain used to be “Go out and play.” Now it’s more likely to be “Get off your device!” These devices can be wonderful learning tools if they’re used to help children develop basic skills like pattern recognition, math and reading. But often the programs children spend the most time with, if left to their own devices, are games, many of which feature aggressive behaviors or even violence.

2. Invest in your children’s minds as well as their bodies

Pay more attention to what goes into their heads than on what goes onto their backs and feet. For example, buy books and educational games. When possible, take them on outings to museums, planetariums, and other activities. Check out summer camps that have an academic focus rather than only a sports focus. Tell family members what you would like your children to receive for birthdays and holidays–toys and opportunities (tickets to events and places of interest) that focus on their learning and development. Let the sporting events and camps come after they have mastered basic educational and social skills. Sports and camps can enhance a child’s emotional and intellectual development but shouldn’t replace the skills they will eventually need to be successful as they make their way from preschool to college and beyond.

3. Commit to saving for your kids’ education, K-8, high school, and college.

Start educational savings accounts at an early age. Past generations often saved US Savings Bonds for children’s education. Today 529s are a tool that parents and grandparents can use to save tax-free funds for college education. Check with a tax advisor for the details. You can even involve your child in the process by opening a savings account for college funds and inviting relatives to contribute to it on gift-giving occasions. From a very young age I knew I was headed for college because my parents told me they were saving for my college education. So, there was never a question of whether I would go to college; the only question was where they could afford to send me. In the past parents could rely on public schools to provide a strong college-preparatory curriculum. These days, unless you live in a wealthy suburb, it’s harder to find academically rigorous public high schools in urban areas, and the ones that do exist are very selective about who can attend. If you live in an area with poor public schools, it’s well worth it to spend the money on secondary education and send the child to a good private school to lay the foundation for college, graduate school, and professional school later. Many Catholic schools have good reputations and prepare students well for college. Even Catholic schools aren’t inexpensive, but they’re a good investment. Some of these schools create a family atmosphere that builds community, which is hard to find these days. For example, they have extracurricular activities that both children and parents can get involved in.

One young woman told me that every month her father had her write the check for her private school tuition and take it into the office and pay it. It taught her how much things cost and how to value the education she was receiving.

4. Screen for learning issues—dyslexia, autism, Asperger’s, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

According to groups that work with children who have potential learning disabilities, early intervention is critical. The child’s first three years are the most critical time to identify problems. Parents and extended family members can spot a lot of problems in the home environment because you are able to observe patterns in behavior. You are the first to notice social, verbal, and emotional problems and can begin to address them together with health professionals. One of the biggest barriers for parents in addressing problems in children is stigma, which can lead to denial. We hate to think there’s anything wrong with our children because we often feel it’s our fault–we did or didn’t do something that might have made a difference. But regardless of the reason for the problem, the best thing we can do for our children is to get them help as soon as possible. The other thing that may prevent early intervention is not having a family health care provider or pediatrician you can turn to and call upon consistently, working with him or her to identify matters of concern. Often in low-income families without health insurance, children are seen only in the Emergency Room when there is a serious problem. For people who do have health care or access to community clinics, it’s important to show up for appointments and to be assertive in getting your child the treatment or diagnosis they need in order to thrive. Sometimes overworked doctors don’t listen to parents initially when they express concerns about behaviors a child is exhibiting.

Access to help is not always equitable. The average African American child is not diagnosed with autism until age 5, whereas in white families children are often diagnosed by age three. Sometimes white children are diagnosed as early as 18 months, according to Easter Seals. Once there is a diagnosis, insurance coverage becomes available and it’s easier to get services paid for. It’s important, also, that all children stay current on their vaccines.

An excellent questionnaire to gauge a child’s readiness for preschool can be found at makethefirstfivecount.org. Also, more information can be found, among other places, on the Easter Seals website at easterseals.com.

In the past, parents have sometimes felt alone as they tried to get help for their children. When my children were young, we moved across country to a new city, and it took a while to identify a network of caregivers and health professionals I could turn to for help. The first health insurance I got I didn’t like; then I got an HMO, and everything was more accessible. The point here is that help is available, though it’s easier for some parents than others to access it. The goal is always to level the playing field, so every child has an opportunity receive the help they need to lay a good foundation for learning.

Finally, don’t be afraid or ashamed to hold your child back a grade, whether it’s your choice or the school’s. If they’re not ready socially or academically to move on to the next grade, it’s actually better for them to repeat a grade and develop a solid educational foundation that will support them over the long term.

5. Be aware of trauma.

Sometimes we want to forget about difficult things that happen in our lives and in our children’s lives, like an eviction, or a parent leaving, or food insecurity or abuse. Dr. Nadine Burke, the former California surgeon general, has studied the lifelong impact of adverse childhood experience (ACEs) and trauma on the physical and mental health of children. She found that these negative experiences put children at risk for chronic health conditions. Burke pioneered a screening tool that is now used in many health clinics to identify effects of childhood trauma. Her book, The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity, is an excellent resource both for parents and for health professionals.

A lot of my own work in higher education put me in contact with students who were affected by trauma in their early years. Although many continued to struggle, they were at the same time seeking to become resources for others who had similar experiences. They were training to become therapists and health professionals in order to serve the most vulnerable in their communities. Often adverse experiences, if treated, can lead to resilience and can serve as a motivation for the rest of one’s life.

6. Be generous with praise.

Children love praise of any kind, regardless of the reason. However, praise is especially important when it relates to learning and educational success. Sometimes when young children are criticized by parents or made fun of by other children for their inability to solve a math problem or read well, that experience can stay with them for years to come and can affect their self-confidence and their willingness to try new things. Educators have referred to this pattern as educational trauma; it sometimes follows BIPOC students from their earliest grades to high school and college. I’ve even seen it show up in graduate students. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy: maybe they overheard a parent or relative saying they were not good at math or didn’t read as well as their siblings, or heard someone simply say, “He’s not very good in school,” and these remarks stick like a dagger in the heart. It takes years of reconditioning to overcome. Yet on the other hand, students get praised generously and often for non-academic successes, especially young boys in sports, and this sticks with them for years to come, as well. They excel in these areas and devote a lot of time and attention to them because they are confident and successful, which leads to greater success and rewards. Scholarships and professional opportunities in three areas are hard to come by; even the few that exist are best achieved when they’re coupled with academic success, which allows you to get into a good school with a good sports program.

The more you praise young children for developing their skills in reading, math, spelling, and writing, the harder they will work to do well in order to make you proud. Success in these areas is cumulative, so if they do well early, they’re more likely to stay on that path with your continued encouragement.

7. Make it a family affair.

Board games, puzzles, conversations about what’s happened during their day–anything that helps develop the mind is important to do as a family. Even watching educational programming on public TV together is a great way to engage young children in learning. I know a woman who watches Sesame Street with her young grandchildren every day. Children like the attention they receive from adults. If that attention comes along with educational experiences, it is serving more than one purpose.

What is “educational” isn’t restricted to products or practices that are labeled that way by experts. Any time spent with a child can be an occasion for helping them learn to ask questions–a habit that will make them lifelong learners. At the beach you might raise the question, for instance, “Where do you suppose sand comes from?” Or when you’re preparing a meal with a child you might ask how long she thinks it takes for a carrot to grow. (If you’re not sure of the answers to questions that come up, it’s a good chance to say, “Let’s find out,” and look up the answers together.)

When my son was young, we would watch Jeopardy together and see who could answer the questions first. I used to tease him that no matter how old he got, he’d never beat me at Jeopardy. That good-natured competition gave us a lot of learning moments together. When people go on the show, they often tell stories about how their families played Jeopardy together and how that prepared them to be contestants.

It doesn’t matter what we do together with our children and younger family members as long as we do something that helps foster curiosity and makes learning fun.

8. Share family and collective history.

DNA testing like “23 and Me” and “Ancestry.com” have made finding out about one’s ancestors and distant relatives much easier and more popular. Finding out about ancestors can matter in surprising ways. Often we see ourselves only in the present moment, in the thick of whatever is going on. A child might be going through a health challenge, or a family might be going through a divorce or a move to a new home or attending a new school and it can seem overwhelming. We might feel we’re all alone. But knowing something about our family history and our ancestors can give us strength for whatever challenge lies in front of us and help us see our families as survivors.

Often grandparents and great-grandparents and other older members of a family are full of rich stories that are even more interesting than the ones we see on TV, but we don’t know about them when they’re not encouraged to share them. So the information is lost when they pass on, particularly the details–the little things that only people who were there or were told by those who were there would know.

When those conversations do happen, they can offer both children and elders lovely bonding moments. My parents were able to talk with my children about things they hadn’t talked with me about because of the special relationship that can develop between grandparents and grandchildren.

Parents, children, and other family members can make a game of finding out about family history. They can interview older adults, make up stories based on facts they know, draw pictures about the stories, and bring an object that may have been in the family for a generation or more for “show and tell” at school. They can do basic research on the area their family is from and might be able to trace their family back to another country.

Of course, for many of us, researching family history may lead to stories of pain and suffering. But they also present examples of resilience side by side with whatever trauma was endured. If those stories come up they can be told gently, in an age-appropriate way.

Stories from the past can be important regardless of whether the parents are biological or adoptive. A sense of shared history goes well beyond that of a biological family in any case, especially for children of color and immigrant families, whose ancestral stories are still being retrieved in order to tell a more holistic story of our national history.

9. Teach your children how to handle money from a young age.

As parents we don’t often talk with children about money in a positive, uplifting way. We might say we don’t have enough or comment on how much things cost, but we less often help them see how money grows in value when it’s handled well and enables you to do things that are important to you.

Often family members give children money as gifts. It’s important to decide what you allow children to do with that money, and with the money they receive from allowances and odd jobs. One way to handle this money is to open a bank account and put some of their money in it to save for a bigger item or experience they need to pay for, at least in part. When saving is tied to a goal it doesn’t need to seem like a punishment, but can help them realize what things cost, and maybe help them appreciate purchases more when they have to pay for part of them. Once they have enough, they can have a sense of accomplishment; their waiting is rewarded.

You might talk with children about the difference between name brands and generic or store brands, whether groceries or clothing. Even from the first years in school, children are socialized and conditioned to want brand name items–T-shirts with the right logos, shoes with a swoosh, dolls and other toys based on Disney movies. Even if you put half the money that might go into these high-price tag items into a college fund for your children that they could watch grow over time, it would serve two purposes: it would teach them the value of saving, and it would make it clear that your family’s expectation for them is that they will attend college or a trade school and not come out with life-altering debt.

As an adult do you remember some of the advice your parents or grandparents or older adults offered you that you ignored, only to realize later how valuable some of that information really was? In my case, it was advice my father gave me as an adolescent about the importance of having good credit. At the time I pretended to listen politely, but it didn’t sink in until much later. When I was struggling to increase my credit score so I could get a better interest rate on a car loan or buy a home, I realized those were some of the most important words I never paid attention to.

10. Lay a foundation early for moral and spiritual development

Many parents wonder how to help their children live in integrity in today’s complex society. There is no one right answer but there are many opportunities to discuss behavioral choices with children and help them develop a sense of social responsibility. Religious training is not a prerequisite for living a moral and ethical life. I was raised in church and got my values early on from its religious teachings, but it’s not the only way.

Some parents put a strong emphasis on telling the truth no matter what. They say, “As long as you tell me the truth, you won’t get in trouble.”

The best way to teach values is to model them. To show children–not just tell them–how you want them to behave. My parents modeled beautifully the saying, “Be kind to the less fortunate.” They would take holiday dinners and shop for people who were sick and confined to their homes. They would offer rides to people without cars. My father would cut the grass for elders in the neighborhood. They never accepted payment for their good deeds. Their actions made an impression on me and to this day I follow in their footsteps without even realizing it.

Show them; don’t just tell them. Showing them might include taking them on a food delivery to a needy family or going as a family on a holiday excursion to a homeless shelter to serve dinner. What they see can make a lasting impression on them and cause them to continue the tradition with their own families. Each generation finds its own way of giving and helping others. What’s important is that we do it and pass on the spirit of generosity for the common good.

Conclusion

As busy parents, it’s hard to make time for doing things that might seem like added work, so don’t take on the task alone, especially if you are a single mom. Enlist extended family, friends, and co-workers. It is the community’s collective responsibility to prepare our children for success, which can be defined as living a happy and fulfilling life. Our children, especially BIPOC children, are likely to face many challenges, and our goal as a Beloved Community is to surround them with our protection so they can not just survive, but flourish.

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APPENDIX 3

BEGINNING AGAIN:

Guidelines for BIPOC* Adults Returning to Finish a Degree or Pursue Graduate Education

Introduction

As you already know if you’ve read any of my other publications on surviving and succeeding in higher education, I worked as a college advisor and dean of students for over 25 years and in various other capacities in higher education for another ten. Over the course of this time, I have counseled a few hundred students who have wanted to return to college to finish a degree that they were unable to finish earlier. In most cases they had left school due to financial or family responsibilities. But they never let go of their dream to finish their college degree. Some of them wanted to become nurses or therapists or social workers or teachers. Almost all of them wanted to serve their communities by improving the lives of the neediest. When I encountered them, they were seeking help in working through difficulties and obstacles that stood in the way of their return. Usually, these obstacles were things that could have been avoided, had they received adequate advising at the time they left. For example, if they had officially withdrawn from the university rather than just stop attending classes, they would not have received “Fs” on their record, but “Ws” for “Withdrawn,” which wouldn’t have affected their grade point average. This is just one of many mistakes students make when they are under stress and are not thinking clearly about what needs to be done. I’ve provided the pointers below so that students who desire to return to school will have some guidance about where to start and a roadmap to follow that will give them hope that they can complete their degree, no matter how long it’s been. The one thing about undergraduate degrees is that time never runs out on you, even though there may be some new requirements.

* * *

1. Collect all transcripts from colleges or universities attended, even if it’s only a few units, both official (in sealed envelopes with the university seal stamped across the flap) and unofficial. The sealed transcripts are what you need to provide the college as a part of your application. The unofficial transcripts are for your use so that you can know what you have completed and work with an advisor to determine what you have left to finish. Sometimes students owe money to the college they attended and can’t get an official transcript without paying that bill. It’s important to prioritize paying the bill so that you can get the transcript and use the units you’ve earned to apply to a degree. Some colleges will work with you to set up a payment plan, and if you have paid a certain percentage, they will release the transcript. The money you owe the college directly is different from your student loans, and if you’re in default on your student loans you can still enroll and complete a degree; you just can’t get federal financial aid until resolve your default status. These details can seem overwhelming and off-putting. We all have things that overwhelm us or seem scary, no matter who we are. It’s important not to avoid tackling it because of fear, because it’s not as hard as it might seem at first. There’s always someone there to help.

2. Get an advisor who is knowledgeable about higher education and can help you navigate the system and who is committed to your success. Don’t try to go it alone. That may be what has created the situation in which you find yourself. The more complicated your situation is—for instance, if you’ve been to three or more schools—the more you need to have a professional advisor look at your transcript and try to make sense of what you have and figure out how it fits together in order to help you complete your degree. I can’t stress enough how important it is to take all your unofficial transcripts to your advisor for a thorough review. Do not show up without them in hand and expect to get the detailed help you need to know where you stand and what you need to do next.

Often people are embarrassed about having attended three or four colleges, not having competed a degree. They’re afraid they will be penalized or be deemed unworthy of completing a degree. In my experience, even on transcripts that have a lot of poor grades and incompletes, there are courses that a student has passed that can apply toward a degree, and it’s important not to hold back, because there may be enough there to get a semester’s credit toward a degree, which can make a significant difference in terms of time and expense.

3. Put your financial and personal affairs in order before you begin. If you’re older and have been working for a while your lifestyle and situation will differ from that of younger students living at home and about to go off to college. You have a home, possibly a family, maybe a full-time job. Your life is complicated. But that doesn’t mean you can’t go back to school. It just means you have to organize the details of your life in a way that supports your return. For example, it’s important, to the extent possible, to have paid down your debt and saved some money by the time you return to school so you can handle emergencies like a car that needs repair or hidden costs you didn’t anticipate—lab fees or materials you have to buy for a class. It’s possible you’ve used up all the grant money available to you in your earlier attendance at college and you’ll have to depend on loans to complete your degree, which can create more anxiety as you get older. So the more you can support yourself while in school, the better.

I realize that if you wait until your situation is ideal, you may never complete your degree. But you need to consider carefully how much you can handle and how much you can prepare for in advance. Look for as many ways as possible to lower your costs. For example, you might be able to take required courses like a science, math, or lower-division requirement you haven’t completed to date at a community college, which will be almost 100% cheaper. You can transfer up to 90 credits, only 70 of them from a community college, toward a degree, though not all of those units will fulfill specific requirements. Every person’s situation is different, so consult with an advisor. In addition, even though it might be easier to get into a private college, it’s always cheaper to go to a public college when possible, if the goal is to finish your degree while incurring as little debt as possible.

4. Make sure your family and friends know it’s your turn now! Often, we spend a lot of time supporting our family—spouse, children, parents—helping them achieve their goals and deal with illnesses, loss of jobs, and other special needs. In my role as academic advisor, talking with potential students, I’ve talked with those who have taken care of a sick family member for years or raised children and sent them to college, working at an unfulfilling job just to pay the bills. When families come through hard situations and begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, rather than turn around and ask you as the caregiver, “What dreams and goals would you like to work toward now?” they often want to pursue dreams of their own because they’ve been delayed. But I’m here to tell you, it’s your turn now. You have put other people first long enough. It’s time for you to seek your own joy and satisfaction by fulfilling your long-deferred goals. And you have to make this clear; you can’t always expect other people to know it’s your turn. Sometimes you have to shout it from the rooftops! It always helps to have concrete information about what you want to do and how long it will take and how much it will cost. That’s why it’s good to work with a higher educational professional to clarify those details. The more specific information you have the more others will take you seriously, and the more you can take yourself seriously, because it’s clear to you and everyone else that you mean business.

5. Many colleges have programs and special services for returning students, veterans, and ex-offenders. Try to attend a college that has one. Sometimes colleges have programs for students that are referred to as returning students, re-entry students, resuming students–bachelor’s completion degree programs that are designed to support students who have completed a certain number of college credits toward finishing their degree. Some of the more successful programs in my opinion are bachelor’s completion programs that offer online or weekend courses that allow students to complete a program while working or raising a family. They are designed to support students like you in returning to school if you can organize your life and devote a certain amount of time to schoolwork. The most challenging part of these programs is not the time or the cost, it’s the community engagement and relationship building that’s required. Some people are loners when it comes to education. These programs are “cohort-based programs” that require students to complete their degrees as part of a group that will stay together over the course of three or four semesters, so you have to get along with your classmates. The other big challenge in these programs is avoiding self-sabotage.

Sometimes students undermine their own best efforts. As they approach a long-held goal, they get scared and back off. They may get into a pointless argument with a teacher or classmate. I’ve observed this kind of thing happen over the years and have felt this would be a good time to talk with a counselor.

6. Academic Support. Sometimes students are embarrassed that they haven’t acquired skills that are needed for degree completion. They don’t want to admit to themselves that their earlier education didn’t prepare them well. This is usually in the area of writing. Often returning students, especially students of color, lack confidence in their writing abilities and sometimes find it difficult to accept constructive criticism. This attitude can get in the way of degree completion and prevent students from acquiring the necessary skills for advanced study. Most colleges have learning centers that offer writing support and like so many of the other services in college, they are free; you pay for them as a part of your tuition. So whether it’s general counseling services, or career counseling or learning support, it’s important to take full advantage of those services while you’re in attendance. They can help you prepare for an interview, write a resume or a good cover letter, or deal with issues of anxiety or depression in addition to helping you write, proofread, and properly document research papers. Too many students, both returning and first-time, go through their entire college careers without taking advantage of the many benefits available through these offices.

In addition, disability services is another office that provides support for students once they have a documented disability on file. Many students returning may never have had the opportunity to have a disability diagnosed, for example dyslexia, ADD or test anxiety. Undiagnosed disabilities may have been part of the reason for not completing your degree in the first place. Don’t let this be the reason you don’t finish your degree this time.

7. Stay away from for-profit schools. They’re easier than most to get into, but they don’t always serve you well. It’s not always clear whether a college is non-profit or for-profit, so ask! Generally speaking, for-profit colleges have lower admission standards because their primary goal is profit and their educational mission sometimes can take a back seat. They’re not all bad, but you have to be very careful in making a choice regarding any college, but particular a for-profit institution. Some have gotten better over the years, but it’s still important to do your due diligence: look at their graduation rate. Look at how long it takes to complete a degree. Look at their cost compared to non-profit colleges.

8. Be courageous. Be determined. Be of Service to Others. It takes courage to return to school later in life, especially if you have more responsibilities than you did earlier. Sometimes you have to accept a reduction in your income while you’re taking classes, which can be scary. Sometimes you have to contend with a lot of family pressure not to take risks. Whatever the obstacles you may face, over and over again I see people pursuing their dream to finish school.

During the graduation season in May and June you often see stories in public media about unusual graduates, particularly women, some of whom have graduated in their 70s and 80s. When I was an academic advisor, I worked with a woman who was close to retirement and who was a teacher’s aide at an elementary school. She had helped her daughter through college and graduate school and now she wanted to complete her own degree. But she hesitated, thinking, “It’s too late. I’m too old. What difference will it make at my age, anyway?” Her daughter encouraged her to pursue her dream and I pointed out that once she obtained her degree she would be able to get a job as a teacher, her income would go up and her retirement income would be based on the last few years of her earnings. Not only would she have a better quality of life in retirement, but she’d have the satisfaction of knowing she had completed a long-held dream.

So many BIPOC students want to complete their degree in order to better serve their communities. Many are already serving their communities, but in volunteer or entry-level positions. Without a degree they cannot take the next step into management or supervisory positions that enable them to make the decisions or help set policies that benefit those they serve. Low-income and vulnerable communities are desperately in need of people from their communities who know what it’s like to be in their situation– whether police officers, social workers, nurses, health policy makers, teachers–making the decisions that affect their lives.

Don’t let anybody or anything discourage you from going back to school to complete your degree and serve your community. BIPOC communities need BIPOC professionals who understand and care about the residents and can make a difference.

Beginning College with Confidence: Strategies for Survival and Success in Higher Education for BIPOC Students

by Shirley Strong, M.Ed., M.A.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

What We Internalize

1

Don’t Let Up

2

Communicate Frequently with Faculty and Staff

3

Read your student handbook.

4

Set Boundaries

5

Make Lifestyle Changes

6

Find Group Support

7

Be Persistent

8

Do Your Research

9

Treat People Well

10

Remember Community Matters

11

Don’t Take it Personally

12

Networks are Important

13

Learn to Promote Yourself Appropriately

14

Put a Handle On It

15

Take Advantage of the Free Stuff

16

Work with Others to Address Shared Concerns

17

Stay Connected to Your Source

18

Find a Mentor or Advisor in Your Field

19

Make Use of Available Resources

20

Take Yourself Seriously as a Scholar

21

Be Proactive!

22

Choose Well

23

Keep Up With Your Life

24

Take Care of your Body and your Health

25

Work for Justice and Serve Others

Afterword

* * *

APPENDIX 1

* * *

APPENDIX 2

* * *

APPENDIX 3